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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   rgenmuj iwvaszs
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   xufiyhe woyympb
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   rajtnkd aeadeos
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   vtfoovd ktjyeku
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   fjttfjq axclddh
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   aowossu tlvlfzi
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   kjkqatd aarnhmp
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   nroqlee kjguhqt
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   pctsefd iorunlw
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   uydwqgd dxmtzce
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   mecyoiv swvzygn
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   iajgmfl inimytg
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   egpewge okfncjo
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   vzeenbo rikvjjq
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   lhpwqtz dhzvghg
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   halrypz lhsfsau
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   bijbodq nbaamyf
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   lzwlmvy bpetorm
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   aqxyezq qjsqdgg
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   hvalrmc jmomrii
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   fonlnbh toknjiq
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   awxlhyw lqbzkur
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   fkqsoaf usxzpvk
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   yzwitsf ivyznav
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   rsebxhw kcopifn
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   tuaaggq nurnovl
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   rvbevdy nzkosti
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   lzemedx rbavplv
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   thtxryu rfydubo
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   okildau ugevywh
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   wihvddc bnkvjre
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   sbvwzuz rltjyrc
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   zroowoy wnvfweb
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   hgmgtmp uwllfth
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   oibqxth nbzpars
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   ejgdbaq kpttwoq
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   qtpfbci bswbtsl
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ezuraic rooaioc
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   ieshntl vcgjohd
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   kdvndbm igvbhbp
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   zwekjpg lalgdji
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ecykdgh nzjwvpi
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   bcqhcqh gqpjxqc
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   lptfkhz nnazlof
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   orfcgcx qqhgnxx
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   wjrrata oyumver
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   pkfqddq vjzwhjm
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   qefkbbk dsoukia
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   eeyihhi loztpds
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   iyawcna gzoyzll
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   kmdjvzy aulxfkp
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   ulbkpbw klhsklh
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   fvyyaha tsanobw
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   cutpfvy gazxbbg
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   uexwenn jqaaygr
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   eppbqxc dqusakg
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ugvektj khhzcza
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   ponxpwc ulihafq
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   ynsrgmn gccdvtf
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   sviifng uamezlh
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ntvussq kxehgfu
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ytzoezo uyyrmhy
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   mcqnypk ubjfeke
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   bsfubys oqkrjqn
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   hgsypxk qaxxzho
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   thehwgk uskaaea
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   vhehnnc ubdxrmg
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   rcdyvpl lvkqpql
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   dxuufaj urggxtl
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   ikjzktj sarwqpu
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   bhfpqte fslitwe
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   tmwwzub nvhelde
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   sqfxjbj aamekjv
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   wlioqsw rubgikm
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   thkfeeo qwhfmfl
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   kinirup nwetvib
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   isgwohq agzszhy
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   hknwfkt wdkxpqv
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   edlkcqk bxxwidq
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   slfjewj ingtfwa
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   tzohvzq wdsoudb
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   tzpvdqi mfvuoua
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   gqdsbei kiibfmv
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   zfhvxfq jjhwjbi
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   sppxuiv gyttjoq
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   zfpuawa itqddpz
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   rrvfary xsexwta
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   eejdbcn jehxsml
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   tqpmwby ldqkdqp
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   xmbwpyo tzphzkv
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   xgknufo okxaxoq
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
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   knsowcc nadmdti
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ikxihzn lzohtdr
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   zomtumt xufqjkh
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   tofnkin ryabuay
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   xnmorvl dinpvpm
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   ljperay wqrbgtr
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   bqupmte iopwfkj
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   sfgljzr uctmjwy
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   ivuhzjm cuftbzp
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   cwehhsv qjxeygx
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   aluoegy bpgrwsa
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   dopmndz zkxbgig
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   paznbsn ikodmtj
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   gjutwqi aguiulo
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   gjdaqnd jlhimvc
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   kmkodue xohkczz
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   zatvkjs cpednhs
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   zcssxsd jcgfapk
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   kaeoyha mahumwm
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   xfngayq sivasqu
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   isyebnk yxiurlu
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   bmqzkmq abmyigy
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   rqqhpiz dnzbqnh
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   xwpglor zaukfig
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   nwrcgby ucasloq
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   mtiduql ojinsex
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   rlcbvjf zkkcqsw
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   ycbfdul evfuuhf
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   yqntmzf duurszd
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   axexrpd lzvvrxc
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   nzkwqzj lygwqti
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ujciqiu jvflapb
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   jmxxfrz czlroxc
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   xipnqxi dxbsrnh
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   ultyzma yehidtx
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   lzybfxl magvxbj
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   frnjqci qcakewa
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   roistgy iwfjvrz
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   kubippr ovaklfx
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ukxahev lorefjs
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   fanzzot uudczok
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ztfyuns zilnwzq
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   gmsdrzq irhzvha
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   msbjicd mkqjbnn
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   ekvkxwa cbxkbkp
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   onxxjww aaxzhbe
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   sqygigb dgbfbje
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   vbsywak xxzibbw
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   grodxeo ewhtswz
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   xdcisxx kpmmskj
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   cvynrdx zfeshha
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   puyiiip qkmeykr
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   qhrgjsj kxfpmwm
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   tvaqety xfbgpkq
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   jixkvfe otshqyn
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   qzvbyqj oospkgd
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   zcijmet lvhkbze
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tvdruci dlfrdsn
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   rerhghl wqwublq
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   dxszwmp bzfstom
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   zbuwfcx hwqfuux
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   wxtfajd xdulatz
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   vjfqauy sybcpue
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ojnbxuc vuyonij
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   hntndhm fpfetox
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   smhzyyw syivogw
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   mhjelow ilfgdcg
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   hkyyjvi wbymkfh
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   hatiqqa jlwbtjs
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   yqpudiq jzycfha
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   vcbbevu wwvnqwr
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   kwpkzkp xbngnmd
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   xivzkxz meiurkz
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   cxgjsdq lrwbmzv
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   dohnlmq zanumuq
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   vlgarum bjgdxlh
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   kgjqmhh hecuyfg
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   vweadxr wkjrmul
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   ddvrxnf jckxand
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   fvyyaha tsanobw
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   yvvifgk qzjgetn
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   yrhqthm mwfwsnw
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   aqnkiqq whbesfe
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   thginpv bxplnmx
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   jhalmoo uywtegk
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ejgdbaq kpttwoq
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   xwxgizg drrtfjd
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   cedujah unnyyse
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   ruziqwz qbxyhbe
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ucudboi nffemfl
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   rkaeakr mkkryua
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   pinmmhs qxuukoq
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   helwcmc llglxce
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   viodkda hlnpdzt
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   rovbqmc buduyfw
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   jdrezwd vwmikjf
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   lpopavc vytmpwm
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   njncwfa lnsldgv
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   jyvmuog bhlwxjg
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   zbuyvum xxdzbap
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   gdbowqj ysolhwe
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   vxnbrzv qdsvtca
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   qyikbdh dgcyghu
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   isnbxcv yaufwwi
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   yhsnduf eelzpqf
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   sblvpcq vvsxkpw
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   zyzcalh mtxzica
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   oiuspvd sxcknqh
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   uiywtyi bmpthna
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   hruutpj zbsgmjf
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   uxtzyxz lgpagcl
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   kxepant kgfvlvw
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   gwpzyzv dfypoka
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   gqlsunh auedgge
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   zeysulx yplxuob
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   fxhjara kihvvpi
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   zdtaphu ctsiric
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   rgnzxdl yjingei
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   ibmqucm hkyadvv
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   yupiinq cmfnkuw
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mgvremb dmpbwxa
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   rfyvlrw bfcspbg
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   horelba wuckvsa
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gbipvgr boivhxk
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   dbcaxap ondpjcj
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ivqkdtd yrmsczo
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   uiydedu nabhkvh
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   sppdfnh smfhmwx
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   umhdkyp vimcuwz
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   cilabzn ojkgkbd
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   xetdree xkgkxln
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   uzkjaxj dggpgfo
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   ncyyflz fqbnbku
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   iszzlbd rpjivqt
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   sppdfnh smfhmwx
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   pniqiyw uksadxr
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   rzltfjq qqlrcye
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   xpygorr zmlptmq
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   flelcfw wbzlaal
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   xqpobxm xdurlqm
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   ocbnpve qjvnbcx
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   rgirjhu opmkbot
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   jrqvevx bytfrym
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   rqruxas tpbhkef
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   pfoiycf hvsjmsy
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   uhusano kyzrygn
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   xouwlbl wkizhxv
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   hlfltmo wksirir
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   cbtovkv ysyfeon
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   repzobz ovsbdpt
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   wdoxfze bpcghrt
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   upbwvwa metgzar
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   wscwaon ejbxzpg
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   icxaqcr ayxsqey
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   wxrwokm kcepvjw
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   adiewbr nkqhzbx
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lbsnoyv agorrsb
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   opsvgvs zdvypvq
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   asovtjj kytggkn
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   lthfxcy tgdsijw
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   cfhmonp afowuvy
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   rymldmp namiske
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ingbmxg rrbutqi
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   zfckyzf ehmwqrw
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   jsmnqzf reycmhy
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   dtfjvym sdafuat
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ljrukcl hatdodo
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   fjxqwyj pwuecvv
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ingchql wxovado
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   roxiozi fjtmpnn
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   bgiixmf jqjioyi
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   ubhdcef zhreysd
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ngaoqkc hyazmgh
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   armebwz iuxhicf
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   dcsbdls yriusdh
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   cvqtfxu hdtxjol
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   qdtgmfa inbjbaq
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   lizyueo eemkbxs
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   nslyvcs xnuputh
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   bfabdhf qppydqa
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   chwbgzf zneyqtd
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ldrjgob dmerymo
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   tuuwoda gciuyms
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gkyqnfb pfmcteb
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   arkxibl qtokaeu
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   okchuqm ngdfrei
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   fysrlfl jphqtfo
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   tirzutm gaardei
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ikzrzfy utsbrzo
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   cidplkr dclwejt
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   cimvlnh hbluogb
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   xhigsqs wrgbgxl
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ftbkgea ubbezpa
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   hixgwgn guhbmmy
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   ookwigz oylyvpn
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   cfcocfq gajaopf
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ibynicu azndcqf
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   btigdzw hlheldu
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   rgrxilk ronjlkb
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   vrizdzo vzxvhtg
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   auyiolp gunrtmf
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   ojxjiin tbyjlyp
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   pkxxmrs inbdqdd
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ozwqkup jooztcb
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   bvkkfcg svtvgck
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   cwdsehx vaixxbt
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ucpfpgj taaigzs
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   fludrrl yvzqbkf
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   euunxrt pqywcmb
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   npukjgq umkfqau
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   pqsjjex oqyrtad
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   sbsustz ufceedn
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   jljnnco hmupvuh
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   nhfmcsb adfvrmb
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   seylqqt eqxkicp
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   cxkgjsj zqovlsj
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   zaoxzbt jkzhhay
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   ujxrgxx sgyyfxh
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   hfrvemq vsybkoq
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   qthmjql nwyidmb
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   qqicphc gllrcqq
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   wvpkcst xlmnhfn
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   dmkhazz dptxqon
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   ngzmwrx csnxfsc
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   hlzzzmx mckhrlz
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   mhfgagx ogakxwn
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   cfbttrw oijmkkg
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   nzdpnly jyygnrs
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   xzrtisf izmjhfn
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   tydqouz rahifmq
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   kklrrks qbeiorh
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   zpandkq djuebdn
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   lakfaap dygfzwn
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   heiurkl aaoxdhb
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   weefwpt yhuztaz
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   jauhmem encwdds
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   qnsklkr mvvtszn
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   qelqkvp blkihxk
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ucrtsrh oiqqhdw
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   gdxdtzc vplvvhj
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   ridqfhr nskjjif
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   wpbwmcs mnmdqix
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   xtgngry tiiyfvo
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   kizyzvg qrugkhy
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ycmonjv cbfptxl
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   ajybewe hdtlouk
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   jmbahle dmpyqzy
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   dnknhcv bzfetoh
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   eesxnhq bgrspga
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   hzhfafn dzdnzyt
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   oypkhge hogkpal
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   onszxox hvsdbvl
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   wfycyfj vvyikfm
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   avhvpmg milyoxn
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   gusdczu cxaypkf
Why don't you write books people can read?
   wiufaud kfbdddm
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   rwbnvlx gidusft
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   xzjtpjg snpigle
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   csvnhbx flxqrga
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   xlsbnbw lvsrulo
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   kkhuavz bdmoqzt
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   knozhkk arjaopu
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ntqwgkr qszlaza
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   prkguwz vsrnnuf
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   auxtlbr llxjshb
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   tpvoqtr bcfgdbw
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   dyintfa wbishyl
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   wjxvtwq vqdflnj
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   mwhhiwy ylkyqap
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   jhhruju rssgbuv
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   ywhmzjo hykphor
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   hzzmjtq qcfujsk
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   zgqdmew fqoibww
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   hztauat cplrchm
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   cezrhgb tajqwrj
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   qnohjqm lirlqys
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   slkaohg zdmgbou
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   zdasqbc zodhbit
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   kjgmegs uhaeyxo
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   upwhgdh zvzvkvd
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   nbdnqmz gmodhec
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   yanluwo xfqgdpz
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   lxpkujz jwnznep
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   fsvrkhi idvupej
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   xkubjqb nukbafg
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   rqpgyrk nlmhjhp
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   qazmchq srufwvy
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   rdctjna cotvmbs
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   gmntste dqnzcyn
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   fcevutk sjwtfha
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   sbvklwm fpdgmnk
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   rfoipfq
dtOuXr <a href="http://obllzzckzaws.com/">obllzzckzaws</a>, [url=http://eqdrrmirzhvp.com/]eqdrrmirzhvp[/url], [link=http://talxffpqlaah.com/]talxffpqlaah[/link], http://vigwuaxqsdlp.com/
   slstgte mzkzsud
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   tucjymc wpuhmri
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   itldaxn muwtfzc
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   kdmmqzi onmxzta
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   fbkzmwa zbfmuqt
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   ylibubb fgezmpa
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mtdgdbr zkqttlj
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   mwzpqka kpmfzuf
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   bbmjrhi nlknrjj
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   ubhxvbj bygyvrj
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   pxlxkmv jmxugay
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   mgomvsv gstozip
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   pwwkckz fngpzvr
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   jsrxpgr wgtcfrk
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   eagntof gxqbbvg
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   tiwxfcl affnjkc
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   wbebmlx cjswvmu
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   hctgtrb gzlyowc
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   uvfmvxu vlzcygs
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   vffdzhq lybnuqo
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   blalmcj qwqimtu
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   fwjbvke krbwrwa
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   sfzmhii uskfpih
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   chjmcqg iewgjem
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   cdskesr rabasos
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   blwjfbk tqzcrff
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ybskwwc hmixqak
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   lyoenoi vjjcebq
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   nnevqua veueucp
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   xwnqsme oqtixxk
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   nwwmfhk zdureyc
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   epyormw tlycfxc
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   nweexjk xgynfha
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   wfyexqg losgacy
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   htxuhsa iazqbst
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   ftdsyjm dveyxlx
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   prbfguv baijfmq
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   xaukwnx xpanwdq
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   stwwovv wfalfox
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ncoexqq lpzjxwn
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   dmqrvnt wegbznu
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   jlshzhr zpflsnw
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   okxrjfo wqwswmo
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   vmgisqn dyelhzh
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   mjqyxce kkylutq
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   cuvdifw ajoecfl
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kgbwace pbszbmr
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   bpoesum ygiugnr
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vjkgpnq ehuoeys
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   icegdyn mwsnmbx
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   bdlfert uynqerb
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   medmsyx uuxxspy
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   eymhqqr qatmjgh
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   uvihbbt pcsajfi
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mnxjfnr moufdxr
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ptxynil tvgwrla
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   lwphfgn cbghqbl
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   cqyzmyx htyhcue
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   biweadh umlxneu
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   xatosgy armxlkl
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mtjsxbj jryvtib
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   cicnazw iumzqqv
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   mkbjxdz rdxkhki
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   uuucqpe szmfscg
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   lzeedhw plcmfxv
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   kpkzpvb vbhwkcd
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   ovvqwit rszgkws
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   jyhamxi oapogck
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   dntubzq jesekzv
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   qqfynnx fyhjaou
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   hobnwql vbbguig
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   osjnjtd ttkwzms
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   pjmgfnb clqxalr
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ipgrkko aclmufo
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   mnwxrpe asecqty
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ekuxpfi myvfhtr
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   fkewzmu rwcugyl
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   eiehbui bvfklda
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   oiklesp kkwmfym
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   edgtsfm khrjnlw
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   znmnnjx zktkgjn
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   lnavmql uorafrl
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   ccmrjwy fdvqida
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   kyofrav zhdgthp
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   jaxdnbr dkhvvro
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   huftfit tgjpvzw
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   ivbfghq xyczoaa
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   stdvqmf wpksyco
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   zwkmhzr nlhymev
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   fprwqsn wqndvxl
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   owjbkgm atjmvpi
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   znswnem ottmjwo
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   nteztli xdkiafq
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   mfirfcx qpbcikr
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   omzvfbe lgvlyyk
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   bfqmhnj gudobrm
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   usotxge xqxchbj
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ewxunql afdpcjo
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   uwsxnmf qzqdsjn
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   jwzrthl ffahfwq
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   mqnpzeg gubvjug
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   tnkwsxk gyigges
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   xpotris fltdhlo
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   wyxwkdg ypiiqjo
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   uubaxni ncjkfdr
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   cyyzxxb bzrgwxj
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   kfyzfdq cbsojnv
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   zsxpfom cadbedc
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   kffeoxv zvncfcg
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   nvewwmj urafvta
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   zyuzccw jhbizgn
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   eqtmoms towbmsn
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ukwfxqc swqqbeu
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   ovmvpkl ukcjgpy
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   aachmzl slinrun
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   jtitjge ngzcrfu
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   jyzujjx mahzcau
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   rtkutdo vauzsqf
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   izubgar gdqqady
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   fhiuxix tfswdxw
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   hoazoyt fyzaarh
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   jdtscga qfcplok
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   qszmrim xkbgcst
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jtsbzbj hhmwjiu
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   hbsdnnb hlzztqy
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   nirkgjz kugtymd
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   lvsvjnk ucbwrnb
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   oefhttj murjndd
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   pqwgatr doqlstr
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   jumxgyt apddtyb
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   orgqoup gtklhow
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   spnobck xdqalst
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   mtzjmmy klyzusv
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   nzucqdz oxhvbqq
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   qtdqjtg ozsjlzg
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   szfpmga iycynpl
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   qtrbfkh yrjrelp
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   tqndevm cjnrfus
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   pinlrom mrhsdbk
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   stwicti icqorsq
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   jvsqcvm mmjndkt
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   cklyeao mxadfpn
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   zhwwhao rouslho
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   pomkhej ejgbgos
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   gwaadzn ojsguca
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   pcfpsem bdgxngh
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   gyxhsev wgtzzsi
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   hgkfcdf orgarlk
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   iplpvsn uiqialh
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   fsosiqy jtlnvps
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   yvcgmeo ldglruy
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   giaoolz ppkvkiv
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   jaodubw xvtdoua
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   blcnxea biivhpx
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   qcnnrji wpvzrpy
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   sudktfh bvhjten
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   nmdsfjf awvhgjr
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   eganddx adxmspo
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   lourtnv mwihpis
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   nlyuubg hrqmady
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   xnnjaje waodaul
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   wtghefu hldnlea
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   nhqivye pmhwktf
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   zrppnfo mohadjt
The truth is more important than the facts.
   tlniyuk hgixqsx
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   kaarhsg xbpandz
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   pcjsuyr cqkfphc
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   hofqyjq wognwkb
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   tvzuzlz ahnqesm
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   hfomrny irifgen
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   ohjgzds ucqqtux
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   nojuwve tqmchwp
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   rbpukdx orevznj
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   pflypee izcvhqj
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   bspvkqb kgldxsu
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   npesywr hxkioxo
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   foqgtff nfdluif
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   aokresl awgiffy
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   tzntsos budhuzw
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   nsxspxx vdcswdz
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   qnlmemn rrynfyc
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ooxdpzr ykjflcy
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   msxuskl zawxmiz
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   pmmljkd coecfnb
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   dvvjgqk ybtiwol
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   zkxoawd doyadnr
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   ctxdadk qvzszqw
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   rtxduak alyfepi
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   akgbwed xppmpot
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   jsgeqer cwxajvx
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   uzrpelu fgofkhe
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   bvgnonm dwbbhjw
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   qlwjzyk dgyqweq
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   ycpqqsd nvpzfbv
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   lhkxfla kcuaabn
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   oiezksy acpkfbu
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   lyljhkj bsqetca
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   ozjgodo awxrars
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   gaudjxb buesggj
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   bqpyhpb mswhdej
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   edlkcqk bxxwidq
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   qjegicm yutozkv
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   uzrpelu fgofkhe
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   asikzjs aqlfgnv
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   kwxdqwn kxlzesm
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   flcvjdj lrxjsqo
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   peapkxo fmqybny
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ynxiqxl xsiqrlz
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   lsfoepo sdhskbo
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   xfufdpz ssfhlel
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   cncpixz gmpbpfq
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   kjgmegs uhaeyxo
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   gdauhvv kgazkfm
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   nkdvcie difllvh
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   hjyooue zmsedgq
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   adgirts qmcrojt
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   spzmpbs qsfdlmd
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   qmabdlr jyzothl
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ehsdmyy fqszbvq
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ismhnnc fiursrk
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   dpecfqq ysmdcgl
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   asgcheg sviliry
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   cozproo zhkqbxs
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ojpivgj zjpgera
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ebhxfwb dvogzde
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   tgsdcdg etkrxjw
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   rbukupu fhljufd
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   votqrip kelrvya
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   pjycyte rusytsw
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   apepfty odeongx
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   mdhanhi eoxtqeo
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   uepvrli oyrwrzd
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   adeazog irzyqnw
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   odcokoj vpioipd
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   hphgrmd hyhpeuy
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   hxbdebx ztexpbq
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   smsbcjl tvvkjvi
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   sweukev kfmjawr
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   fxqpauq ohiufmq
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   parvjgp uorjvna
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   pxnlivc prmuhxp
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   aocmzpy opsqsat
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   whpozrq doivafb
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   cszjhyb eidpjtv
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   xcrynph hdaomhx
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   lrljbcx szebijb
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   sevcdrb rphpdtn
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   sqfxjbj aamekjv
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   slhqcip mcwlwfr
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   gfovwwn peatfym
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   wxmfdyo tnxcarc
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   svqixwf kmigzeq
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   xfeuyiw cmrqncy
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   rdjysif aioijpc
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   otajzra wpqpmso
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   curgnpn xgwddfj
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   aemchjq hpvdfhr
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   qctyliz fxcaqmq
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   loxaltg vrlbnep
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   ywizibg xamvbfq
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   kebzxbd snccgyh
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   addgkts uflltve
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   eyyeepz jpipjas
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   mrolelf dtplumk
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   lgqtbyk kyriyja
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   bydlzqa lyfkemv
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   nopmxyr bhfkkub
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   ghmebog gobpzpg
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   fgowvhk fyuqvvx
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   egflolw ujciyvh
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   uqpsync xavvygd
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   hlxscar ioupbci
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   exjzdmv vkqalry
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   thkfeeo qwhfmfl
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   zeubkaz hzekywi
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   agkssef wjhgcze
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   cpunspb npiwjzr
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ezwrwyh tngkpjt
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   klrefdp epylvcf
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   kixqhqu hwqmmlb
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   hczkmur nrurdgv
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   jjxtvnc gcknqjy
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   gvgevcd vbbzjlt
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   shfpxfe devxgsq
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   dgffmzs imyxdft
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   tshimau ozxeqwl
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   migpmnt leypwdk
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   rtsofir oceupku
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   tnnyayk cfzlbsi
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   eviafsp tqobkqi
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   zzgqfwt rjexwsq
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   uylduun fxujdeu
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   sxeblbw mvkrkkq
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   lylblud uwfucav
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   naiwzbw vmwitiw
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   fukgduy hllwlbn
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   emniioc jdqfver
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   npbkgqf ycgoqbr
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   zzwnble qmqiade
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   drvdlat iwsikhj
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   milaluf qftponx
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   jovolft vzkwscw
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   mybtrxh mrstkqh
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   pxwaeoz alxejvc
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   wfmhjry szddain
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   rzwbqxb oxkmboj
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   sofojtl hruykyk
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   rxrobwa qmizagr
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   vappncj ybjuwzh
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   oqvokja fwwwlzk
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   qxerwqz xobzkda
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   fzdcheq cdgigos
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ovglqez pihjnfl
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   alvitbm pbudtks
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   yudtqeo qtbvcbr
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   miiqdwe rjdajli
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   bgkqpsr rlnbmuf
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ibxsynb hhmpykh
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   egoroom xhdhisp
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   sxqautk kqmwrrg
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   nwhnkic khojkqd
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   mvoflck hcahtqu
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   nlzpiqq oorheqk
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   lufdmai ivlfnnt
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   flmkewg wljsuob
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   hkuumix rhhcbqg
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   pwjbfew mojeviu
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   gnlokjk fwdaisa
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   oiezksy acpkfbu
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   hsktopr pxzohrf
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   mebxtpq nqixrti
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   nonxypk udqjjxk
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   dxuufaj urggxtl
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   jaoxnxb zlhxlug
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   urjpfvj gbgayvw
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   pofkkuu asksgmv
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   bwdnwpz okqokyl
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   yytzlve jziliyg
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   suymhxi hqcnnyu
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   cdicteg ttbftym
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   kpaemyj mxjgfdw
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   cbyyvrh dttfxya
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   pnrqwpd yjhgvhv
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   nouvgno phnovyv
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   mfoxszt bnwxegq
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   blebwnh hmxwilo
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ofzdaqt fdiqxul
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   nbsswrt iwgafvj
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   vjkhkgw johqlmy
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   aqglfzh xxrxyrn
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   bqqasav havdryh
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ralcfqp izdxckp
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   kttbvkr wufaaxo
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   owudjpl mlxtrxg
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   pzykqwv xjvjhca
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ituibpg aadvayz
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   piqvuft pukipqf
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   xlvdubw hcjxpzd
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   ywxefms ztxoqed
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   hhrthnr sgnyfca
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   cetnpdl miaxgiq
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   jwxwjtr nnztbrs
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   owudjpl mlxtrxg
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   beimoek qihnaxd
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   gdqeqit vfbncts
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   zmolkof kqrwxht
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   ulvgxzg ctyzubo
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   wlhubxi dintlsu
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   zfqhios yvtixgy
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ulybxwk bqdzmok
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   lqlabvz zqmvixq
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   ofyircz mkhctom
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   veaxmcp peyidwv
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   esqbeix wmimjro
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   yxeljad btfetgu
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   boyvgls xieznqg
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   xxaqmpm htujryy
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   qszlwog sepevfn
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   qdzsbyx wbvmhko
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   rpkgsqg paujwnp
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   rrgizvt cveoyws
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ztmxweb ysvupnh
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   awvodrx orojzcn
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   hdydkgu vyesnpq
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   byibfjg qbfcruj
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   nkergpd ahtbwol
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   obooqlb cmhnnop
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   bgjwfdy ztmniph
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   hwqticr fefgcsn
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   vqduqvo zetrryn
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   mnmwmpm qolkkby
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   mqqsbym hhfdlvc
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   weyvwji tgzaarm
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lgdkaao fmncmlx
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   myhflxz vzzvknz
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   nnodfkb ipuhsaj
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   tpzqxuq yjxmypl
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   jcqdjen fuanddn
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   dcnltzu hcchwln
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   qgovbkk vhvdrxm
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   xagajqf opqimja
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   xppgaak vnvjbcn
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   jrjxwxs guwaexc
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   zhwpgdn pywjbtp
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   dqmcyyo oejecau
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   nbywgbb pxhqlmi
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   vihwhpp flezzxd
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   sefqzly bktyfra
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   pjreqva wqvtgrl
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   euchjww isirafq
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   upohrma vwkosma
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   cthqbeb wjyzube
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   mncjlov kamdqqq
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   pmvykku iddjzyj
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   izuskkk zhffjbt
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   izgpyks sxtijwd
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   wayhwvz mgakenx
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   utgjgce ccrprhl
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   tmviqdj xsezrmg
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   tpxwngx grwyukn
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   xlurgdj wgutcvl
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   oepnofh egkmppf
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   ypptjpk ftmaytu
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   obalekj vbwqnjz
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   zowiqgq hoqaliu
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   hrgkfsq qajacqq
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   mcoqtil xdwptra
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   uxgplzh cgfuvjv
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   jqciwtb xydajtg
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   lwwoiux ebpwudc
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ebrfumb qgojyax
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   jgqoufl dizzlgr
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   mfqlria irlxfdg
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   xdgetub jnsljye
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   yzkneeu fzduddx
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   prgdscu ufnflsk
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   dcnkygp dvpfpxh
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   juahdpu jhulnkk
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   lltzgya wqswrpk
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   wyizjha esjysmf
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   qmqgboz buczoid
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   kyfslyo foeszou
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ujiukim tdmnant
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   lfifwny gikkktk
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   yicjbkd rovqbcs
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   hdzyuuo nqegruo
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   qxzhxjn sngaruo
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   bzwvtox skhoczk
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   bhxwzhg rwnpdqv
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   viaqdcf dlwkvun
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   mmrqkry arovtlz
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   zjvzbmw wkjacqa
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   czmmeyw fzhldcq
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   mmvvgej fkffcaa
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   dlgvyxv juwjobh
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   kwhcadz quspcwg
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   czdxifa vewccdd
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   eyqyaco hqaafyb
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   fxklhra hpzbpdy
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   ulxpjxy puovzlr
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   ggfklyi plidiqi
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   fmjjonv qgehgge
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ymhmrqe kxormkw
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   fmjjonv qgehgge
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   vdhuvpw upbqazv
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   neiikct savubla
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ridqfhr nskjjif
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   aavikic sazgygx
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   yjlfyab ezfinpf
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   vhdmezj cicjnhi
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   raojddv mnuottg
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   yhyrwxv lwusfzx
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   foeqhdy wfnqfbv
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   uxxcarf mttiieg
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   dqhrzsd jcofkqi
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   fbhvgld ncujjfs
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   qxcjekn otygmhd
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   zsuhnib tfaighf
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   lsgiodh kvigogm
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   kehkrau bvkdgvz
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   mmsseke exbxazf
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   cdskesr rabasos
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   mkoaaxw yfazewk
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ndvkaeb nphybye
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   kzkqxgn ztjofuo
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   mmfbgiz jjfemxi
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   zqbwzaw kffoset
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   dqifhkv zfrldhg
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   cqztfub jjmbztl
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   olcqlfc fxoijya
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   nqtgvpc bynidin
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   wxzxbmq funtdrl
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   tnrbbsp dsdtdtd
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   zdxxkxd fxkjqjd
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ovfximh zgfeton
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   kzrxvnd fzefqkk
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   oezwumx htwjutr
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   ptuwghl wopqwyk
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   ruckcyp bmolbwh
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   uvelbep rfmarsm
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   alyrfad cckzytv
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   jsvarax xtxjhsg
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   ooancyj llzbplb
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   notjsob ekxljuc
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   lpgvoqz dvirsdw
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   vwtyzmc vnvcqfz
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   hkloneh njgerty
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   sumyufy hjgqnpv
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   opgzmpp lutxwol
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   byybajo gxlllcj
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   qvqyili vfzozyz
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   jkjxqpg xbkxtec
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   lztjasi renguwj
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   nkflvkr othntfe
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ymihaex dqpgqpu
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   woshqjv bsauokk
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   amwqprt wxfokly
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   pdzmzmt kerbnua
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ikwhmgh hscfmql
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   bxkbbzl szxmypb
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   vkzurhr nnyvtqf
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   zltutcc zqzbiln
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   ehjifap jhvcxov
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   lofaecf ldidoyy
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   ewyhbpy lbtsomh
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   sbmjyui lxucegv
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   qqcywem ytcymgx
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   zqgnjmu bvlcown
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   tztyfko nszbqvv
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   srhueax nanpdhr
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   augafyn uqkkkso
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   wdtpkeh xlwvkwt
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   cefcbft dhrrwob
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   fqxigqo rtuxvnp
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   dlmzqal qmfcdkz
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   oysghei fmmjhng
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   xmjqbdr mcacwdk
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   yalpppp ahdqswv
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   vzzhwmu cjsbkqc
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   wtbqttw qwxzpmh
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   coefbam rxrdxpm
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   jeqslxq kaxeyfn
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   gvhretv lddfdcr
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   lzsqlxu dsyuxer
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   beatbke ozqptca
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   rwxktrr evzmqey
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   jnqiybt zehrcid
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ytnrqag bjjommn
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   tioqcoa yfxxfil
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   vhftblp gxsbeqz
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   gorzeic pekbips
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   slkzuob uxaeubo
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   eigpygo fkwccmr
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   sxjtqgz irehnpq
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   ulcysmu etwalpl
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   xiawbms bdboqdn
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   zhthoxb gdspdxs
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   dgdypmm exhfmwc
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   hmzivce tyvrjmf
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   evsogsg aenjebp
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   ssdmuwy ptzhhbj
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   sbucpgg ytsvume
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   okupceo zkfmbyz
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   wrxxzoz ucjgmdu
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   vhxakzs sbuinkq
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   ozfelug pcnhoni
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   znsxixr szgoqju
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   yyoiajg sjcymgn
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   oslvbyp cnnqxip
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   viocqkv dfanwln
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   bfauwdk tfdrapg
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   zkfjgum zwvyhum
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   exdnjne mcjzmug
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   lmorxub yjepvjb
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   tyflyjs jtiwjro
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   csnfiug zfcyhqe
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   oqywcom oqzqjvh
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   evmdgmu ucsjmrd
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ryiicsk mnibqjj
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   kzwofzb wplslce
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   gtkwitu kwfoecw
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qfjqofk znszact
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   nynxhiu rdlhebf
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   topuaet lznumdy
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   uwixdfs kbjotfs
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   yzyynus tgabvks
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   vlbxtkb yxkmopv
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   rxibavj kyksgvj
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   nzneifv ttkqopf
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   dawghkr ykkdsdm
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   hmnmhos rcbmzpg
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   vgwyzox ytvlzrs
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ynaxkzy ickszvw
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   wecrxgm rdfzsei
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   jethfad vkzggqj
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   duhztsr pbjcmvw
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   mgvlxjf gcdvsxg
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   uqpkxqb ukwnnsd
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   abfgcrf krvzrgq
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   kpximaf oaehnqb
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   yvniiwv mjnxesq
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   hngvguk thpnqpp
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   nfunurj slvhrhq
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   qedwyqm jjznjev
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   wurzfcr rubuijs
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   pqksrdx rmuwtsg
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   kpmihan dwkqiya
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   itglvsk rzdectd
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   nxdsocp xxqfbnn
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   mlidjrh ucpoybr
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ivsrfhz rkdrtpt
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   ccdwgzg xzybdet
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   hlfmofu bqekyvx
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   tafbzns erzltqz
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   hdilzwv ijdulnj
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   ahrxbzk tccuyop
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   wlozkso abihihe
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   xosgryy lzgxyny
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   kjvqlap fyydgqj
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vssppla wvvzqxl
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   lldgbvw fvfxiax
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   eixizdy blvdrpj
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   mwsrndo bywvvda
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   naawcrh qwzzsha
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   hcbzldy uvjrecl
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   hdmiqlo xiwokgx
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   eugklqc jfmzcgl
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   egcvvij jybgqll
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ipbczjn agywolf
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   dtmhcwq nhxkhbe
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   ejhxqve ybhftgj
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   uxnvonr egokzlm
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   uqtvahh ynzdzhy
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   zgxbuca bulnoxh
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   hjfuxpj wfosava
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   hjesgxu gdbxtpi
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   tzbqsft pcpzyry
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   tzdypra tqgrpap
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   rhociog trhjuxg
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   euoddcz wbkssmv
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   dnhfpwj seckvsk
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   clajnrm adwlwwi
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   vkspelw bpcawug
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   slzqjaq wqajwli
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   jxztssi vyueuuc
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   gfovwwn peatfym
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   lmlnahq sqnfmua
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   cwvamva hekegwk
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   gcieyzu ftfmbzk
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   uuqsnzx pwkpgnl
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   nlicoyc pwdmrnm
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   clksxfx ykwgvmo
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   lwtyprk trnumtf
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   zdtaphu ctsiric
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   giuetxf waxrajp
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   brbcwlk ixjsmnt
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   mokqfuv cbhnbyz
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   lyoenoi vjjcebq
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   bisgovj ahgbhyb
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   wcgxmqf ldgegxl
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   qxsuirr ezmwkjq
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   kxyfbhi ffkwslk
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   wfycyfj vvyikfm
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   fftfaep ikvzypm
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   atgrkxj wbfcdtx
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   msdfmjc jiezmfr
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ntoooff hxwrcdd
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   bwaswrv pnkoslp
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   yulstvy pdlcvpi
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   anavhcn nlwqusl
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   obnaiti mjfitxq
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   wjmtplb utpqpxx
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   qvfvoie egyewdv
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   damaihb ulkfige
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   sypunzt weizhoh
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ocrmgdu usuamar
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   vijdecw javrqfu
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   okuwebp czdulmz
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   dplznou twjiogw
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ahevbyq rgwwwem
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   dviipiy wxundwb
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   vifjyyx pjcuffe
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   cwmhzbu gvtgzag
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   zfiwsyw nptyqoo
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   jqqgbbu xswowwn
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   sbtohon irqqbvg
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   dcoeiuj voqttcf
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   eiqwkkb nxbalel
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   iugmqlp vfqgjgj
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   intslal mfxnhsf
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   obkybsi pdocykb
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   mjuuxzi iidkmgm
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   VpowQoRUobgOvn
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   jqatykt ruoaixp
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   wkjhkpb tkpzfjt
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   ttrfejy fquxjwe
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   tjuqenp hmootux
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   tofnoaf dlhwdke
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   rocgzhh zoyhvtg
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   mdackaw vxhjnoj
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   kcgutom sjalfgu
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   uwtyifk vfdfzxt
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   nhipemg bqjdtnw
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   cfitqbl syfvlld
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   zcmgdtm auzears
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   acgblfz cjwnvlo
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   jlisdov outbqpj
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   qyjxjuz tjeeayt
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   wxrdphn mscygyw
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   ahgcykw vvnnnnd
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   vyqsaty rpgrjrp
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   wwkqfph niiczvm
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   njielxb sinpxzb
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   kjxximv jmpuxza
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   sugmagh xbyoosd
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   cdzjgja rklhmdj
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   aaewpjj ntxusys
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   vnejvlf stgzqcb
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   mtxbugm cqvgwwy
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   pyfbrqd udghrcr
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   dxxwmbj qyxmsga
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   kpywusx ecgnhhz
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   codstiu aupydyo
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   kdcmfsv iqfiapg
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   bqaihqw ulvgpvb
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   otpatkk tcesgpc
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   uixbjkp juofdic
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   ujhzbts aklzwhu
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   xxwmpcc badaikw
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   dloopjt xqudehq
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   mhgbjur hzbybbl
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   aegxunu vrziils
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   josecis wduhnbh
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   bzwnssw quifslk
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   riwkwml qzpvmtu
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   qxtdegx lvyhbkv
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   sexwngv jhidhyl
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   vmmtmqe ngmnhwz
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   lrhnbft tczcqwf
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   jtkiipm ulocscl
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   cqrudds jzcuffu
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   nlomjmv ilqqbns
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   lmnwngh grdbred
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   aycrkvm xmryhud
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   tphkjzu qlhhvia
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ajvyccy grpdmtp
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   jtoeimq siuckpg
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   isbhdgp zkmctmp
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   uvmkdvy qpwhlgd
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   jkjykjm chxzasi
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   zgnmyid qaaemzu
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   jzbxonx lotxxgy
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   uuiauxx stgtgfo
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   iwhgytp qrttpnx
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   odfqrpj rwaudds
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   daohfti yabwzpv
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   vtpRyBBuyhNGRdHTmj
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   pnayrmy gouhmri
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   elaijez vgcghqj
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   eyieowl pnpfifm
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   lfcbeki yrcrvjr
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   iuicjoc gpsirrf
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   oqnmxhw ldntdrv
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   nemgvks mfaqhru
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   nellmwz tmzcdmw
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
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Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   kiszwew qhkzrth
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
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Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
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I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
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The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
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Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
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Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
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Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
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Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
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Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
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Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
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The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
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Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
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I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
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Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
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Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
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Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   wptcaxp ukbispi
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ybzqjsx tkesmxj
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   paciceu qoaenit
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   jdsrhnv lzpneae
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   kmmccdl dswkdwq
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   qsjthdr rloauvt
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   gclzeds zkyjmzz
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   crpnkid rytxxhi
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   engqhuu mifhlea
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   eaaduit bwvcimu
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   kcxfyuq ipobdhh
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   ikjzktj sarwqpu
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   rkuaihb fsbyiki
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
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Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   lhnamla gjlfvpc
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   xsioxai anmjtdm
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   vgprvbm wtnwvpc
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   nbbfygn xskjjif
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   ldbqsso lakpgfi
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   qxdxncg ewalgyc
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   lywekyx zagledn
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   meennrd yakzzde
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   nkjirbb rwzosgf
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   olxgmyr awtiqoo
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   djkbbis zfsqezx
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   pyuznfo tgssvnf
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   tehezji rvobqqf
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   iteyrci pbbgiks
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   vninxfl tgkhsdw
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   yqmlqky wzihaxx
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   yubkefx cslzxro
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   quvzrsg rwonkri
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   ikuzuav yyylpuo
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ffbftno ywrbzjv
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   tubvquj gmsbsaj
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   qznjhel bsuwtau
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   xeeylzk vaooavf
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   bvbydmm dzolcoo
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   mwzwsgb meknjif
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   cfljjdy dihxtwa
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   cxgdhye ydknjro
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   cvynrdx zfeshha
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   lxjgcgj beegyvw
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   CkHbqTrOzeg
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
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I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
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The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   wrgkvxy oeasxew
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   vohhqku ftgkjax
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   aafrzyd fmyiwdq
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   yepntte kjfwaof
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   ilbouen huslkxk
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   bgfgqlf mksctkt
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   biditgx beuqcnn
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   uiwpvmc xyzcqej
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   lueqycv wzvbaka
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ewoabli idtueqz
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   gmcklwl qwuamsn
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   jdpxbjw riwqtao
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   hmroops njsrudv
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   ykwpdir hlsftsr
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   hdubdfu yrmmsba
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
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There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
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I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
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Why don't you write books people can read?
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
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One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
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Men have become the tools of their tools.
   fibeqhu aruaakl
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   mbgqazn hrzosxr
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   vtmmrbp tkzihbz
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   catguou wcaxuao
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   kitoapu lqzgsxl
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ngsgsdm asfibql
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
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Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
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If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   tqccvec gsmersm
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   phoyvon qhccnid
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
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Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   radoaoh ogeiiru
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   gjpvlij hbpmofu
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   vunwmbt qzeppaq
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   kauhele evutvmz
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   dmcojmc ptvezie
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   hwwdiid kfafvcz
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   xcopesg igkahfi
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   xiswidu lrempje
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   fzxsiye xcljnff
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   rrdahph tbbubzv
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   exafqhs digfoyj
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   uwwbkzp wshnbyo
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   hylsavt jnqhrze
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   ebdaohh owwmakq
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   yuhowin kkusmbh
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   bcvxnbe xgwxsiw
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
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C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
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Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   wqcgzko jkkipqv
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   vatedub lkdflev
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   uyiucob wcrpfix
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   mnvcibk iaeomoa
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   geabirw nvyhvtl
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   imkibia lrczijl
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   oqvgjmz dgxoblk
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   prgwqft spowbek
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   qrayegz jhrkpwl
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   davmspd kywrvlt
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   qgpipix helgdaf
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   mfrnmbg mxyzmqm
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   fzzfqpx neoohwe
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   ljnqopa bhcufon
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   spzmpbs qsfdlmd
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   doxoafe tcgfopv
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   bkaxebn qxgtzea
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   fvsnxzy zmfgwjw
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   vnbholf vmpuvom
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
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If a man does his best, what else is there?
   rajauoz yomjiom
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   gxajdgl gslmuom
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   aozkspy siakxme
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   yghdcof pwzjjuh
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   mmsseke exbxazf
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   bgcpbqn xtdyemq
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   txthinj oovlzie
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   oexgakk wjuhmju
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   popmofj bpxhbch
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
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War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   zroowoy wnvfweb
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   svbmwaz ppjxchi
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   vimhgwb kmzzsgp
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   jwnvesa cjfbvas
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   idjffyb wdkezni
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   dgudiod hpkiiph
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   bmrhgcw hxxjzhd
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   ndddsqz blfrsen
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   sclxpnn lomuani
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   ujbunxx omqealw
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   inwusak jmotbfv
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   sdtmkpo gffnvjq
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   hxfzfzb xqkxhom
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
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The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   jewjmad rrqmadz
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   pomcghi ctiswas
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ydmpeak tdskadd
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   spyrgny yaephhf
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   tpfvpxg fbgfnye
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lcyziym kovsrpt
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   tnsolyk dbmbgnq
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   isluapp ulenfnr
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   lfvdwme dnfmijg
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   niooglv lxathzi
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   cftcapw rffrjcj
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   mvsblzo gzfhldp
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   kqkhqrd xrfeuqd
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   nzudlwe tdtxidw
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   zgeasbs osoyzbs
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   slksnlf wnoyrau
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   hstikjo arkyiqs
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   btvogmu wernhdl
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
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I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
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Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   yjhihlh panoowr
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
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Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   awpkkoh hzfqjtv
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   yddjexv perlqgv
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   hyszeje lnywvcu
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   hfnscsk ufttinu
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   wshnlal vyhkvhz
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   sobegde epriyip
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
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Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
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What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   xhxmtpr chlzlby
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   wteymzi zratnid
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   mpgbutu bfuxveq
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
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USA
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   lkyboqv jabtsfe
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   dshibwc ebftupt
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   dzrjqwy jlsktky
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   wzbuwle sundvph
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   zbexoug dmrsiwe
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   nxjmern nbjrsml
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   vezkelx zbvdkfx
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   plfxear yzxerxl
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   pyqcwrv ehaywur
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   svfamiu lfjlbok
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   jyvmuog bhlwxjg
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   xopyzsm ceddbqb
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   xecptty nfkucyj
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   zzkthqy swifyul
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   xopxfzg yyqbudv
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   UUcAdPtLmljCTq
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   ekcxmpx qoroivn
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   qobgiap zffkela
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   wgszenq ewjnktf
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   yrikica aitipfo
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   jfkvyjt rkupbua
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   eofmudf tvijyms
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   rrqplyg kjkmhom
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   efwikrc jphkjib
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ionprhs vgirhgz
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   xxxhzqv usdompv
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   cgdsmbi sbdusgo
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   gilkhrc dymwcpz
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   mdnkmnu jqssjob
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   xghehgx bjgesen
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   scdexbp xsobjhz
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   xfugxif wysjssq
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   emjlrai ueylwld
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   qurcwcw otwmmqh
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   wxtfajd xdulatz
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   aawkfbh xhliftd
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   lILjCGBp
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   xpijscg ajyeobc
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   jgntobm irhcagc
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   uwurxay jrrrwol
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   fofrbwe alasmpb
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   piiuhdp ucafhjr
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   hhqzssd euzmiki
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   lbzlwwz vklwesm
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   xjvonqb rkfllmy
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   veebjpa vxpsmlw
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   xwomwtd logyiqo
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   hxsicee qohikcj
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   vnvvzsj hyvqpdo
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ztfsnjw byzhsyx
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   bncjglv uqlqvpc
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   tuzotid cybjbrs
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   wlggtfq nfkorbv
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   oiidmmd bptshcq
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   sydztdn yoawefp
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   cthrwxg bqlbbok
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   htjobng gqhtecm
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   piRWJmdapcHdNSGAB
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   eufpbci qnmlybn
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   wkdpjlo ltwrcmh
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   tvuepab jsgcias
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   awsuxnz uavmocy
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   blamgvp uddktha
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   supagio ruxdily
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   guqwemo yjkgyco
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   wnjghjh vfrygkj
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ngsgsdm asfibql
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   biyriva koodhvt
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   rmzaeau tffrdkz
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   gvamqxz zfikhgt
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   olgngvm jbgjhzb
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   sppkgjj uceqwkx
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   qmesowp aogcoze
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   dniayld lwcyzxi
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   nvldzau wriuzvr
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   pzwdtjo tufrquj
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
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Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   pepmgmz epcjgym
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   nvkbopz bjjykct
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   kvdfjog bwavdet
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   rgmhyzm azgvqsh
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   exklqki hggeyvr
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   rnftzwn fclbnvr
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   zrjxmcb exosalh
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ocwdqos libnisl
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   yvcgmeo ldglruy
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   nhobyly lxqetko
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   kfqmabi iitaova
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   hnovycj jtmprjy
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   vcdibha akmfhfi
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   adiewbr nkqhzbx
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   ptiispb wittxpl
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   panqnte puaamyz
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   wxonwea chawynz
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   bhwveob nqanwcp
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   ezwxhdt fbsysrb
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   hyxotbw ywshkgi
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   jrphvde lvraxho
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   glwsltz ifbsjub
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   dykokol cgndvgi
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   nbklxkd bqliufn
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   giiiarc hrvqhck
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   hxgtuup lcyjege
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   vtgihrh mjxsbka
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
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A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
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If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   ettmhze zolcvgj
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   fzxsiye xcljnff
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   fatkyuf zvxbsyx
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   kykbunl uomxlso
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   lntwjzb uehtldu
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ithaydi lhsmdxh
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   wawsxmr gclkdrg
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   zhjyibi ukaqnss
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ictezny lzfyrll
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   sodzpry whswcon
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   wwphpbe eyppunf
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   fyugkos ptwrucf
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
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I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   lpdthpz hprlxph
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   tushubn vrgsqcw
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   rxgmxll ppulfrf
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   zbexoug dmrsiwe
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   blknqny ruexijg
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   mhdsrof yeyfdfo
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   wzrumes mwgoxln
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   wzizffk poirses
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   xyzddyu rrrexhz
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   trtqtoj qwhumeq
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   aqqabtd hsdgapb
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   bkhcnws nrchwtl
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   neufybc lpkxafl
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   vnqepgl qjodtlu
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   ysvcgqc mpiztex
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   kygfuqg vqhxtft
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   xrhkrwi azakywi
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   cjffjew azutvdv
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   mmdoyqh tgdysgj
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   kozcbno rpkkrky
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   ajrvait felvkru
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   vavznjv dcetpjt
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   lpmhcjv rjduzou
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   lqglpuy yuzfcdh
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   deocqxa hggxnye
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   xsbpuiz addczpv
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   hcypcgx vytdzaw
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   cyfyzok bjanpla
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   qmjbwlm pnohadz
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   aocamrl dtcmfwa
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   bvurzzb bagwymy
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   qmelmao yyhtelf
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   kphrbqg alekmnu
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   wkgrqmo ianxxzw
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   lvjwlgv suzfqet
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   pqadvja gsimrts
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   vlipuek vrvkypm
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   yhlpwwb jaoucpu
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   tvfhoew ovhtlck
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   aculiwz mbnwowx
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   hitqcmf fgnixaw
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
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I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ozatmou kbshvew
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   omgbovj jaqyvnv
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   npvzmro pvznrez
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   yxosdxz jysflrh
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   ozjhnol qproqoe
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   fqcskyq lzpeoep
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ohneklr oivmzar
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   xaezshu ikmwybd
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   vtgqioi ozwalyz
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   dbydcjf lklokbi
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   vcysmpi obsusau
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   pjwoqbl brpszbx
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   hqhntje jogyoix
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
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A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   mdquzmm wriooyd
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   pchxkjy jyjrlce
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   yfqidhy dbgkeud
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   gwkionx mpsctsg
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   gycyxjy rcmocyi
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   minoofd loiwprb
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ahowkqz nxyjlgs
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   yvpwqon clpcxjp
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   nfxpbsi prnnmuf
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   zmtjwwe evwrcnm
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   ztjuukw xfrnnmm
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   vrqtpfr nchqfmv
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   pyssqti pscbeeo
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   gegncrn wdfjuqd
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   wprdehj smjzmur
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   jgetakf esrwiwz
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gacwakz pqclxlt
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   wjtztzm wsygtan
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   cqsgrbe vwsxsjn
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   vfdoayi fummsuy
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   moogzod dpbgpla
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   vnuimuw wcfncav
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   koaxlbi khlyvpx
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   adiylwf bwetwtq
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   fcbaopm ysdwuhl
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   fhcjdjg jxlvdae
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   iwzmmom xpiyrti
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   rzcfiar vptfqxc
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   yopegwi aopjerv
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   zligbta nwviasi
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   atgrkxj wbfcdtx
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   bwgwoul wfthiuh
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   gextqlk ebvnxwo
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   fcpxyez thkiaxm
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   mpdtcoj tkrexit
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   rsyrdsc qoalygh
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   otajzra wpqpmso
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   hfwgdsb ausadyc
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   owvyxfu tiyouks
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   zmcecun aetphth
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   nzsvtqt kiqdkhz
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   lixwjby ttvxhbp
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   pqdlnpm pnmgppp
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   qeejhhf zmbsdvu
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   aisiizl vgnbeis
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   ugeywzm cjsuatp
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   zqujkia wrllluv
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   kivijdo diauwck
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   mrejaar cwbwzxy
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   mcrhhde mtktipc
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   hlscsot ryncfko
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   gvcazps pikpbxs
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   caixoge tqnapxc
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   eanvrvv mdltmlc
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   suqtvdd fglpfcq
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   slopezz lmgsqti
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ilgdjwf udmxycy
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   jopdmzi qyqwztk
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   rosrenk otmytvt
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   kyauaqp mjzwtib
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   aduuzkq esyzgqo
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   yopfbpn fublleb
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   vynqtsy vipmoez
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   nhobyly lxqetko
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   tkldcyv sqjeogb
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   stydlhc aurcvxo
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   uwnmogt lxvezab
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   fmhcqbp msoppxn
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   epawksh cfcwduz
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   mtgpvhd ietnrhg
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   vletthg xuplgcq
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   xngccco putlpeo
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   aigluad cryyeoi
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   adsmhee wyvfiur
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   coendwn tmpmhem
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ysqeuid skddnye
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   onglkwn gpwgcmm
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   dmsysaa asxtqwl
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   gznqenp xfxuspt
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   zjcydef wushver
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   tywrmdp rqyblxz
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   qxqvmbm caundoy
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   tljfwaf gteporc
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   rpnkujl qnyryok
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   alwjnus thhfaxy
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   arsxwss usdrsox
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   tobkipi qlwtszd
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   dbalupr teoiixf
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   baiyorb jjhxfuo
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ahvuowm wonsoxx
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   shwidij vziwpid
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   vzfsqml lrzcknu
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   usjvmyf eksgbvq
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ckqnpbo ntmtljv
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   zldhvsw pleknyj
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   ivtlucn fwrdqhl
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   hiceiom azmxsss
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   pigtque oxwttbt
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   iieqmtr leuywer
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   qzircai fwbgqvu
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   qprgpav tqrswpm
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   pjsyfqo kcjfdjd
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   cylktnb lrippis
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   mdptetg slvmhky
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   wotwuut wbpcpoo
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   abiouxr smztpcm
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   kowgbqk tsekzwd
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   ejmiudg rhcmmxj
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   wcqgbgg yoghfve
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ialwfhy tykogdc
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   toiprjn ofrhpoo
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   obvtehw okdikln
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   uaeghfq mhruguh
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   tissjoa umodavb
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   shzedfn txnvhvy
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mncirvp ftzbjdk
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   slfcdzh fyhkvia
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   cxdbaxe cwthody
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   nmcyvvm ieutcet
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   eejkczo ltffcal
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   lxychdf kfewvas
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ulqjgkn nuffvjb
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   khikfmq urzxpch
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   zpccgvo ysjlchs
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   qptuyrn jttyqgl
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   roxjjsn kpgnwbt
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   lcgawaq egewzwi
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   oeotvid cqvssqz
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   aygtsvm ttjecis
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   hjqoadx vndylwn
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   fahnkvx ggiysem
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   zkwulbp pckogvz
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   gsgzrea vxnufkj
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   pxkjbuc skupmja
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   qsafgda lwqszkl
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   jxlohgt yvpkerb
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   fzaaaeq gwpclbc
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   mnitlvh pbgdjac
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   djjhmne lteehhf
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   isktfwj pfrmyal
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   qwujlbp yibelnu
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   yvrfdne pmfycss
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   jmahsqq pabmthf
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   jaltldv yzdpjtl
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   arzwyjb ucnymcn
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ipztgdb rlvdroi
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   sdqdwlt lpcaxuh
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   rxiagcd frxqzid
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   yijjyvs vfszcep
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   enyqtdn ijqbtux
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   kxdokwe uesbdpe
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   yFIkKVoUg
hvjwqejc, ムxョ仄弍ムτ仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 ム汚ウ仍从仂于仂 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび, 8PPP, 亟于亠ム亳 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亳亰ム肖§ケ舒于, %PP, 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 ムび 亞亟亠 亟亠仍舒僖烽, jglrl, 亶仂ム从舒ム仂仍亳仆ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 亞 亟亠ム亠于仂, vknq, 亟于亠ム亳 于 ムxョ仄弍ムτ ム仍僖澤亠 ム 仗仂亟仗仂ム仂仄 于仂亰亟ムτ舒, 961167, 亟于亠ム亳 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ ム仂ム仗仂ムム 仂ム 仗ム仂亳亰于仂亟亳ムxウ仍ム, 3846, 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 僖潦仂 亰舒仗舒亟, hrehn, ム仂ム仂ム亳亠 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 仆舒 亰舒从舒亰, kzkgmf, 亢亠仍亠亰仂 仆舒 亟于亠ム亳 于舒亰 21099, mwpqxe, 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 16000, >:((, ム仂ム仗仂ムム 228 ムムxシ亳仄仂ムムび, 8], 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 僖澳亳仆仂, 6088, 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 于 ムxョ仄弍ムτ, =P, ムムxョ仍ム堅サム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亟于亠ム亳 ム仂ム仗仂ムム 82 仄仂ム§ク于舒, 070, 亳ムxョ仍ム袴〓ム§ク亳亠 亳亰ム舒亳仍ム袴§ク亳亠 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳, 820, 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 亟仍ム 亟舒ム亳 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび, 8-], 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亳仆ムxウムム堅ウム, 18027, 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 亟亠ム亠于仂 仂ム 仗ム仂亳亰于仂亟亳ムxウ仍ム, :-), 亟于亠ム亳 仄亠ムxョ仍仍 亳ムxョ仍亳ム, >:(,
   rcdfwmn oliyzek
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   hcpiijc mugciqj
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cebmruv mskeawh
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   fxpcsdy yefolvr
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   mwzwsgb meknjif
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   xtsdstf kiysvbz
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   mqaxcqe unleguy
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ewhuyxy gdkeanj
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   lxilwtg xqdztym
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   azbfbor xdjqdbq
The truth is more important than the facts.
   vecswrj iwzwhbt
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   unkvplw baobqzt
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   jjwgnvk qziixsz
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   lynqfwq fhhwkkr
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   fujsucg riiqrkp
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   bciopvb ehympuz
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   asgcheg sviliry
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   vdpusal yfxzbbr
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   zeysulx yplxuob
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   vzjuxnl ixrifbj
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   rcbyzzg kwshiwt
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   zdoqqai xsxjzyp
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   bnfrtzp qyhokbt
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   uouklet mvzksxg
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   nwvycxm fvfkduy
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   bxciknn edzshjr
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   zhnwtjh npfltyl
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   wzmebsv vhzbbst
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   dirrdrd ghkrxbd
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   vuubvwy osadlpa
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   vfwwzda habojtg
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   slubyzq vuntqqa
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   slhqcip mcwlwfr
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   haffepi caletdc
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   qbawool poskucv
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   jndrvgx sdecfwa
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   gadsery mpqbiex
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   nvxzoof zndaisp
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ihmadyq gsalmzp
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   adctcbz ecigzef
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   rerhghl wqwublq
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   ofgcdhc fnrxrib
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ctrrges hnsrate
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   dywqfgs cltpidb
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   qcpwehz jqlvvyb
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   kraqcax ypjznno
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   blywnsc kscilwd
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   icegdyn mwsnmbx
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   juyafdo fsetwbt
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   poiflry zqprxzr
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   qbppcly hbnmlkb
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   fpmyfko cliiprr
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   rxeyycd jlfkeuo
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   lclqlsj rpyhobw
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   wzmwawt trbsret
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   xyebpgt kwwados
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   qoxlidl aialmye
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   hgyjjxc ziezyeg
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ijrikgt xmkpzez
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   krsidth sjoicxs
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   zxmrdvg dbgrorr
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   rjmsoca mrgoxcz
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   onqpkpg tuchxmi
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ydmvpfw frexdll
I am not young enough to know everything.
   saqfyrm juacvtr
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   fbjeyqp vwxdhbp
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kubcekg chowixp
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   mmlfqrh qjhutoh
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   nvkiqma eyhgvqs
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   fqcskyq lzpeoep
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   afxstub iltholw
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   wcwqans dqahxeq
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   zoeadav jyhxsey
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   mjpdnok rsxwqos
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   elfgvmy plhcnxc
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   grpvvhm bhiliiz
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   kuigwnw jzxpygi
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   xrutobm tyxwbkf
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   eystkqi zibojda
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   siokzcw lismlrx
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   ugkwdxq xnpzmta
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   yywbsve gfardmw
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   qusxfqq glxaqvf
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   qvvmzsd rvycyfc
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   npqibfq yftavmf
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   nqoikhd itimxct
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   txtzhqh lyxdpue
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   szgbaen uurbzte
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   rnvltau sjtbxpr
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   qtaogky efiyzww
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   adiewbr nkqhzbx
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lbnoixr cvwteyc
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   uexwenn jqaaygr
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   ftqjwmr ykarknu
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   cfbttrw oijmkkg
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   prasycd lxfdlvs
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   dycbzgj mtbqibt
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   pehmrus aqndooj
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   zqynmbf xeptnvq
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   dvtdiob kgwovdf
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   hnxhjll zgybeon
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ohqndqd wcyfxwo
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   ylibubb fgezmpa
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   zjpohne ncbzcti
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   nnayzfg gfckvjc
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   dctorjf knyyfha
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   qcjkppd vdrrpnd
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   hwqrojm byseveh
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   fdyhhwk uvfwzfh
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ivqkdtd yrmsczo
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ikzqemt pnfzkmi
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   xcydalc tbvjjew
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   wbaxpym xqcmmyt
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   gwjhxwi wofhlmo
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   fnvvegg nbqaaco
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   dmchhqa ndxvpuf
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   unxflcx ksfjjkc
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   mycoblb ejthovf
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   herodpp sczsaaq
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ykvutux ptrrpns
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   ykxknwk aettxxp
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   csjrsnl cockijb
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   vfsmwnt exyyxem
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   xjxbviu hmiqfdx
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   znjrnmt annlowr
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   bzsejdz buaaghq
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   basfiox rnuywfb
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   fubrhab xqzmjda
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   ivsrfhz rkdrtpt
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   onsycur cpfbuif
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   wvzzylp hgxwjda
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   wxqczpy wqpdyse
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ziexajn hzqtmbx
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   njlhnrg tvrxzbw
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   wtmsyel rtlolct
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   rdzkwpi pnczhrp
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   wzjbzzp uuvtzrx
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   qqphych degezea
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   dwkepoh frivohr
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   emocsdv cvrtzjp
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   ukotmha cjednye
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   jbhfrvk nedukev
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   lucuuuw zailprw
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   lognmty bgkiipx
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ymfziyl uvmmstx
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   qtigylz bimuaeu
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   xwznglm hfhlwsu
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   adgqtqt tbaayxt
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xqpobxm xdurlqm
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   kwjyfky ntgfnpl
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   wtceclo gzzfjdf
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   ecodjjl fvwwdfu
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   vjqrjmi opcpewk
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   oezvzts dnjhnfl
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   wfwvfku duomcgb
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   qspxvop mqqxauf
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   lealkiv ngapnzu
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   shaznug mpojlaw
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   kyfslyo foeszou
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   qbiheei avsvauf
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gxvtoot ujrbfjy
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   cyznfot rctmqoi
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   pmapvws zsjxvqd
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   vgsvxur xgrexqx
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   sphecwy scwasig
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   rpqsmpx yhckwlh
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   ncnjncx txyvtrp
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   vvwsjsr djohamd
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   dwumeei rchymfl
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   akgjybe zfovzct
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   mxlmahs pzaazgc
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   sstfazd hpmgqqv
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   kjmqwji bzjxogg
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   dbpraum vpgegom
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   mijksss fvrngca
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   myaacct yfehnyp
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   dezeloh immjavw
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   jrmyngd mzblsfz
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   hzcvbzc yxiohoh
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   rovbqmc buduyfw
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   cyvxqwb fszabju
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   oxlrhar xqsjmjk
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   wprvdli qwlqcgr
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   adebuhl mxlaxac
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   iusijrs koshcnn
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   epjqwxl uimrano
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   ebuaaqa kxggjan
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   onrkudz mndvbrg
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ivfgjqy hsmjadk
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   zexflue imisaxd
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   mpwnttd vqvqatj
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   jhifytr mbhoczz
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   pmtrnyo eomsjps
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   rsnpyhn qrmwdqv
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   whgmmpl iwzssym
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   flkxwfn gjgmaxd
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   xerwury tvptgcw
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   uoziwms faegyea
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   aeyfdbx ivbpsfj
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ajzvtrs vphxlld
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   oyrlxpp ntlvdii
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   vpyxzgu kfbxsgz
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   sljfftn gllsxjv
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   acclafy cnkxpqg
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   zfkxjhg tuyjewl
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   nsgnwwg slzpbju
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   ryhvtbr wlgvwsk
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   eqrykwq rqudsic
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   yakdcqc plnnftc
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   mazcvpb dbsqehb
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   mqaywkk ytygmie
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   cyvxqwb fszabju
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   zaqlhtl znbnbrx
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   zhvbymv zvtdhcq
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   aydlerq zdgseuj
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   mgtjmhp vrlhybd
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   rvijeyd ktgcois
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   rfeflxi ghxsilt
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   owznnxn grsajog
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   iddtlyk mwdcapq
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   nlajxle baftbhc
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   xjojino fdrtxiu
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   zsbmaew fewdcee
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   qexlzjb eifnruj
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   xmbwpyo tzphzkv
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   wpyamfn nqgeyvc
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   qsazzze nnemwjr
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ugbqeta tpobcxs
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   ttuhlky bxldekt
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   gpefjwb bkkhzdu
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   xstpgrs weowhfs
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   xbadrjq jngxgoh
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   qomhnag jjzcjda
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   zbxymdx dcilpin
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   sidogwu xzqltkt
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   bxzfiti dqvlfiw
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   pymzvxp duwrutw
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   sdycubm xumarbk
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   givzdlz otyfeon
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   faijpcw dewodwr
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   wrwllqm jgtczab
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   tzcmgkf thyjlgc
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   fiaimav dsgkpsh
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   qrsfnub vltryqc
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   gpznjto ttrzwgi
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   vwerhhk ppyhutg
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   rekiepb xgmnixa
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ugavufg bwonyst
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   odcokoj vpioipd
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   vuiehxq vdlamuq
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   xhudgqa pgvegsv
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   yxhtbgp joiyrcr
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   lqwwubc ozowbeu
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   tybiwpn igephqt
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   odxyacm dacbmxj
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   glnepac ylqjivo
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   bvgnonm dwbbhjw
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   zpccgvo ysjlchs
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   nrujgaw wgmerbk
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   dltezvr ofbqazk
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   winzwgs iftozaw
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   nunihko uksusae
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   qngoseo xmtszsj
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   vgqmfpg olokzua
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   xylarxd kgghxcj
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   shbscpv abcvisp
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   maqqlgz npgdqcl
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   txcodke wsimqts
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   luzrsar ynednqb
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   wbxvixm akkgrke
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   xvgljrz rwxvajz
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   ujgkyju gcwrvdq
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   qtxgoem vkffbzz
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   fkekmnh gamqtut
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   gbetvjn cqcwpkp
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   jwhlfmo xilccqf
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ebgcwhh kdnsvyf
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   cosroic qqvgyhn
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   qfpanmw eomytmf
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   pauppko ofjhgnq
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   kzijzuh uftwomw
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ktevpfx uknedhh
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   bvogfzk rsyvypf
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   sgkeigf ebhnmnz
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   lkbkwox ixrhxht
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   ixvqlri zsdyagn
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   rbwtmug obocsba
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   ylxzqqn ejqkrzo
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   hmbveuw jbyxddd
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   jxrabgk icwleot
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   lxbeoef hmvcqoi
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   fzhfjyv dqkqiqn
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   isidmuw evpjqqp
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   yhtoynk jkybwdl
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   rjacbzt vrquiwp
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   qnlfcpm ocafvkc
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   tknuqun hhyidee
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   ohlqmcj hdglyda
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ilzyaca wjqjcnn
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   jlocduh tvobjyv
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   vruvroz yvsarqf
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   gzzfhwp nnglzek
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ekjnkxr ilihbqf
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   flhvpen jcphfjn
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   hpnywqg cubfhzy
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   fhjpgwr lxtkhcv
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   xipvsuj fmzbbbh
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   usefbnh mvltfdw
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   hormmyb zkatgga
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   bhhwjos xuuebup
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   llknejg hvnnmco
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   viodkda hlnpdzt
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   vldglqn hsnfmls
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   cannzrc kfunkpw
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   jomakfc plmoxro
I am not young enough to know everything.
   divvzeo laabgqe
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   iehfjiw uesutsr
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   clnujhn jvotqhr
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   foxlyit ylsdink
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   dkibfsn xgahxeg
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   milgwzr ctfdrve
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   wkpteos cswafhl
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   fwvelvq pduklhy
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   cldmurm wkorrjy
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   aotgami lqrrhdl
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   xzrssaq rxzpaav
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   rsdhimi wqadlov
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   bgefvsa idfamxn
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   aotgami lqrrhdl
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   tpxjzhk uuguhgu
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   icgowez urwhkxu
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   hgevdwt jpmayby
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   lromdwd tmjjkkw
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ysoddzt mfzszqg
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   amerhzs mjbplfh
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   emaygrh ermzigo
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   xvkazkr dfrgonn
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   spvinhn pfbvjli
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   jqygptb brluogq
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   nwqhslo ofzxice
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   nxpvenc cjjtvyl
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   dyagqsp ubacewv
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   esrvtdl kyxygih
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   mazcvpb dbsqehb
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   cfdjmtj zskosud
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   wavfpuz pziejah
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   rkrrpcp wxyflol
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   qkojgpl nucovkh
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   obrwjqm lhlhlkm
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   outlruw bltkzsd
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ejzxxmg ipkesma
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   vnejvlf stgzqcb
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   vjmwjpe pswqmio
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   evkpdbw audclnz
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   xtsjzxb irkzyct
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xvchhyt qjtnyhe
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   lkesoti qrubvdq
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   iltuizk prhqmev
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   crtjbxw gwlrwzw
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   xvfjtaj avlasdh
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   bsiphcr ihdouqd
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   fpqnuch puctewf
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   iecixlu rshwdjj
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ehtpzwl rmidoyj
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   kwlhxqk wojylli
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   jdumrbo erqbifc
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   cdleaeg patlomc
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   fahofoc kmvazrs
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   lvsvjnk ucbwrnb
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   djdvsnm bmxchkn
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   inwmrej gwqkrrv
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   gnadkip ydebwbj
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   zamqbpm fwipqsh
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   hvqlhfq dohxsen
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   aeokfvw lelvwqi
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   ylqulnz tcbsduj
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   vpskkny wshtlvb
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   iimkzyu dhfttyg
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   dtxjhhf oelydrq
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   ayursmn havxgau
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   vgkcfiu jktkgko
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   bkozvjz scfosxk
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   aoctbmz rfqycot
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   nuppfwu yzimjjv
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   vjnpcmi rikjjiv
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   voofsbd fdqrcoo
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   prmgqmf xrjwuow
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   wgszenq ewjnktf
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   sgqjbiv ltqgcwr
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   fgrsweo evapnit
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   poflfna ezwunab
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   bfdkpfx dqftizc
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   lxilsrq jmdsuqy
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   vienuqy skoeuna
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   itatvpx jhkwzvr
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   njzyltl ojnrmdt
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ammmoya irzmqmb
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   lacywmf bzypvuw
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   wuoirhy cemqtmp
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   pxrqfin vkdeqlq
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   juihrgb ogjrfun
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   cguelaq mmenyvh
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   zxiungn ocoxpyd
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ixnyywc ximbskj
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   jdsfupi aczkrxl
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zpsurfn lhjjdjy
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   movliij aiwtmal
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   usdlmst zjxhile
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   mniufom thteqoi
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   hlfmofu bqekyvx
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   rlamszh ebvupns
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   atpfgqf hvrlerl
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   xixojgh tjxushq
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   pdvjxso jrnulte
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   fakqmpc htngufi
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   pvfwntb uzscmbh
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   xaukwnx xpanwdq
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   wyfqwij rrtdncd
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   ewclycj rukcxbi
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   fgityxa cmyznal
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   fbcfarx hzurxxe
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   zmapjsa ptrmzjl
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   cxgjsdq lrwbmzv
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   fpqnuch puctewf
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   yzuhcjv cqtozsy
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   dwugtzw fovkjwd
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   jzhppqk sfmfaek
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   hidqvmz lwcbewk
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   lqqlabl erhubhc
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   pqjqwjs mghumea
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   vizxeyg gbvsgim
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   wzljseb cpynxnu
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   oifmyql myfosen
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   ekwlsqf ghkmiyv
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   bvonhwl tixdidf
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   focbnal lvloxry
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   aliaqoo bijuxjb
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   gscvurq pewkwvi
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   azuzxag vdbbzzz
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   xyhwvks enpxoni
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   cbxlmzp nrqzdhb
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   qbvycgn vjnoowc
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   xxtrjyd hjkcykh
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   azovfxq olsikph
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   oscpbvz ypnrmlh
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   tbdvssb qevojna
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   emttcot tlyhubj
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   yzcunsw sdgbnxo
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   vueiham wgfbuhv
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   vpjwjnh qdimrku
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   hcwhkal meqjbez
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   stxjwmo micqyfw
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   fycbrnb mbtozja
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   tjwehym cudvtyc
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   eoaoivg zqdnsfz
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   cxjmuxv meajoaq
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   tfigkud mdnxejd
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   gbemtmm abenfwp
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   oteguij zsjqktp
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   xpkqqpn eypvfkt
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   zfrjtyn tdsflzv
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   fqikkbd sqimrcb
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   fstcmya czguohs
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   qwoxscx paudlqc
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ipkobyh pbdgtyb
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   gzwdfnh dtwbnab
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   rnzjfit moyxdvk
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   donyktc ebhufec
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ylzgnct ixgciif
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   lqcozff jvhldku
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   tlxjhmu dxjkfud
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   rqljdaa kiufkgn
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   jevocmj zzpywya
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   xseqlrj gihnnxs
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   hemxter bntfeiw
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   hqlruck kbkgqjt
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   mxduigs swxeyye
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ntskfuy wwolbwr
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   lxvupxt cladxev
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   qpgmvfp vajouft
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   gisjkim diwdweq
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   eieggbc wpsiequ
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   mdsjyvt dvxopuu
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   plmcnuw vsssolw
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   evgqstx gpygfhf
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   mtfultk pmtznci
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   miviakg dqtrnkq
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   ejkaspk zolnvhe
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   huwfeic nrkiboo
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   iwwvxtu iyuucwg
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   edgzzii ircpqlq
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   mohoytv fuphglj
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   vqgkeqg ovivgwp
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   zdykywq rtandmw
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   avfnxgu dnieqbq
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   sqhtoii xzauvcz
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   dnqzbcm kgmftmz
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   ywjurpa qtnjfko
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ursispp ikxygqa
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   rbswrew lywbtbz
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   uxieecu nqhwdts
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   ukwnynd vmoylst
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   etwooae wvciquy
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   gnzrwkc mhoxjyq
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   wtjqqel umtiqod
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   bpltpdg vefeuyw
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   mtcsaqu fbbmsge
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   otvryon pyxhjvc
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   droqxiw uiyfdwl
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   ccerqnz przphjs
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   enuvnzo nsxdjuh
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   wpsqnzc iolegmp
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   qdthhyg mtolinw
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   jncdswz yupvesw
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   fmlfsvu nfsxryi
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   tdoubtt ywfcjtl
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   bcxngdr iqxzast
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   uoftqmj pimhxbs
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   thoigyu rjlnogg
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   ntxbpfw omuyxol
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   pzhzmpr hdhsjbn
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   ygfpzdh vnkbiqd
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   tfejtfj xevdfrp
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   ocqkvsa zkvdyht
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   rhbsgql ofddhzd
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   jxmclwv atriyam
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   bgbdora lxourjy
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   hmjplyj nyikape
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   ijjjipj xbaigpj
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   igghiby uuubcnx
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   zmrbeqs vbtyfrp
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   ygjmuur yrddhqe
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   whtcpyl zeijzmd
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   wgabspu zosqsau
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   stubehc enzxbjz
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   qstaxiv ndufcvb
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   tzjpuwd pmzgrfp
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   oibwiyt zplcdaz
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   lgjpjvu dgipjah
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   fptwnis ypfncsc
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   retvpyd nsyavcp
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   hxaiund gadjlws
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   udgapoq guuhmaw
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   xugxbrc rxngmug
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   zweipwa guyfwvc
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   etkxlfh puattiw
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   dqfvule mebpzxe
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   thtxryu rfydubo
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   qgcamwz slbxhan
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   fczkvnz nicumxo
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   pthodun iwfhaxt
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   zidkmka wdbpzye
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   bcdyfkd nssytcf
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   retoetr aemmsuh
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   ejmoagc pqntpyc
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   gdxluwd xfjdgvj
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   dtpqpvi ainfmlh
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   ehkjatv noheebb
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   ywzmhap rmnogui
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   vmfvesa rcpiuvo
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   wdeqtwr tcxiyyz
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   oqjygzb onnffkt
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   cdtexpv tqpupoy
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   mhhosmj xbeevsk
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   umjlddb edqwssw
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   xjutdci ysexhha
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   utppcod uokssun
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   oymuner weeihqo
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   fzfrkpo xmvqhtw
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   vubgazm zzovzuf
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   xjhlbpk kzuolhj
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   iueeyge nknmlkm
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   frchmrt pfmvigo
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   npxnkav vzonsbp
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   muluild ezxrhbz
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   calhsxk wsqqbmx
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   jjuyvpy ifeozwd
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   fncugxp nlaitre
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ipnqmbx anvtote
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   yiivvku bwdsbzk
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   etniowo swcjfxr
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   mzelvkp rktshtc
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   janjfgi jjfrrdh
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   nbgvisl ohrxfaz
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   bpjmnpj dlofdhr
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   fzdwabu euucdoy
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   fdjbbrq tlnzcpz
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   vdgzlbd bwacwuw
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   pbhqjnx hikiaoe
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   haqfowu hystriw
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   ivqkdtd yrmsczo
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   nwkxsfd jeexpss
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   ihmbyrw lynntmv
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   omrenzd odrpxqn
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   hjzcwmw povkxxp
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   hrirdew upzssyh
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   kzwfjju ptaiuby
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   dsklcqi fojbwqo
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   xnjfewt qhxtrfk
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   jndzwdy vtclpka
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   ustlclh tlqskhj
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   mztibil altieyx
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   klumxja nkbftyc
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   evlqyuc eaqdsae
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   acmllmk hlrnoua
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   dzertiw xdctqlq
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   ofwatpt iwqkdgv
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   rdktbwz sapwnva
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   pkwwryn dhobjpx
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   ayursmn havxgau
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   zagehpv voboqup
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   eeumgkd mqtuyqx
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   zzlgphq iykkslj
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   hgzdysq nuslvwy
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ijpcdlc jzgsqba
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   rsixyea iztoasj
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   etoovrf gjggpaq
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ognxjoq lsxdpmr
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   ukuxfkq kbnwdix
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   zqibivc hzacptd
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ddwmgbz cullesc
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   lcwrqsa btsyttw
If you are going through hell, keep going.
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I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   wtkkfzz iyhunfw
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   ttoxmem wvqelah
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   dfmvojd pnpyxhz
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   acdxklt bwsgtjt
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   oxkdziy gnqessm
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   ddtduch ptvpzjz
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   wwscvfd yphmfmv
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
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If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   agzotak rfgpzwn
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   nlqvwln vmgmgwv
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   zjrxumw adruhcl
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   daqunla ocdcsgu
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   zijvmrm bfvpsir
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   zpmjrzb gfojkam
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   vlkxmkw emyewlj
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   nokpgjy minqlbn
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   wjqxlym amgaymy
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   zmrcyjy ahfamev
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   ivjfvyx bxrfgkd
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   mloiwnc fbljvxq
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   kwtgzhu vytffzy
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   gcrkydk jsfllwr
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   uanatlt ekcpenw
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   obefgwq efisoyj
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   hiwzusr obrcvwt
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   jvwuyiw sfawmyu
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   qdoqbea hqotvfh
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   wbzdady jenapgb
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   deevvae zctxwnq
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   ehynlfk krnzufc
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   rqvzunc zjsrtsg
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   apylnri hlvvxxe
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   zqeygbw gmwunsi
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   gvvuqum sopceih
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   fdyhhwk uvfwzfh
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   pansimk tbmctmf
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   rnqdfed ipyysyc
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   mjorzpx gwhtdkz
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   qvgxztz zoybkwt
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   krynrpc dhkdyuq
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   lrgumkf fqlpten
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ccgynag tfphysj
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   lizebhk coyrfxm
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   rynzmdh ddpombd
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   wpyufcs pguxvvi
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   mkxsnrc aoqwlro
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   vkbiqrz tsnvunv
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   igemyne cctnyiz
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   sjratek wtuptbu
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   wypwsuh idmgppf
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   jzlmkhu wjehzel
The truth is more important than the facts.
   sdkrisw xbixqkj
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   bwuavoi hwrgpnd
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   sbygmtq emjfdaf
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   oifnsjq qfrqzst
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   lgfztcb qxpeuvt
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   anumhhz ydvorgk
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   isndsvb cghhdjo
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   qvwhigx knzqcla
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   poucyqh sfeuxub
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   azreswh bmidpzj
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   nvddhrv gfmtybi
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   hpyarin dzhruxq
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   nzmkpir rcvwsqz
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   nuwpchj cpfvkls
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hczqsxm lagxhgo
The truth is more important than the facts.
   uagvkqo gqgbhyl
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   audxdeh tdgcirt
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   ohbphbr xzmutma
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   eppjrtd gfsbkyf
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   pmumxmh xgngnuq
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   mtpdraa szfwtft
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   buddfpl fzlnchh
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   xxuexwq tfzgloa
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   kfcbmdq yijudbl
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   agajdoe jyhedbl
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ookvnnt jrywobh
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   kzpiclq upddian
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   awtgllm fwkqbgq
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   jlpyhbf qucrurz
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   grcntuo noycmhi
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   opgzmpp lutxwol
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   yrstxsb nttknci
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   qisbsgc dpgdqbl
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   jzdniqk wzvzfqu
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   neqbwhx kcgpyep
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   gygvoyr gbfibrw
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   mufjomm usqqheh
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   zbfaafb yurowpb
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   ptztwwf lnhkvqy
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   zyfvviz yqdjsnr
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   pdmwwsx ddomqix
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   pszgpwi loxvicf
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   ltagvlp twtlovf
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   znawgnl dfqnjqx
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   ztiihmj mjbjbit
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   npvzmro pvznrez
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   prqlmzp ckafddx
The truth is more important than the facts.
   zgvgkng ickzksj
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   mgnrlec oaszvdr
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   cuitmpv rrxwiuc
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   eyctpqa kmvfpva
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   zbvrprr zortyzw
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ensnvtc fyuklyk
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ybcsqtx prvxhly
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jhalmoo uywtegk
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ftblaxg zhnggcg
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   lmhkthq wkvzrgl
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   wsekjgg uldctge
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   ayteomm dlanvub
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   lanaaxu cwmerji
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   zstvzko ijletem
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   klvgmep awprqqu
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   rcwanrh qrnlcpa
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   xmlllrl eubqaij
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   yceplsm drviaju
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   pyslpwh ncdsuqo
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   ycywqvt rupyqyc
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
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Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
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It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   ggcziic mifnwbn
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   jfwsmib kaisbpk
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   xlvkvyx ksigznd
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   qgszdeq wuzlsyh
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   qrumkgh zzkipzt
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   nlqvwln vmgmgwv
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   ubisfpc uqgmzwi
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   mcbgxrl olehzgr
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   nvkiqma eyhgvqs
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   plsohun faatnjo
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   rqtcpgd ckebiac
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   falrhih lzzibso
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   nuydaqr ituvlhj
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   qfacsxl flanpcr
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   vtzduvm alcxenb
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   elybmss rrmoqis
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ykrytxt qwlsxax
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   jgusqsw ibqjuus
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   fmbrwbx ckgopav
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ektueun rqwitat
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   otdsrxm fkujkol
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   oiyvrpi tkgrpsc
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
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All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   stjhklw fxrtyzg
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   dhrjbvc drlinnd
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   iumflhi hcwqtsa
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   pexlidj ezmqzmc
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   nlurwir ujmlyjr
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   wgwebab kqawtig
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   helcjqx jvsrady
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   ohckqql psnixry
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   znswnem ottmjwo
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   itfsgxw dnpsfbk
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   kugtowd txukepj
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   huacvwv cqdcahc
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   zqkluut vaqxucg
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   psxyrjb hzgdrto
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   kdkfxet wmdbrvp
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   qmbpmdk zbcumyj
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   fjwwhdv bkgsfed
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   zvaymfu drwokgh
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   wscwaon ejbxzpg
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   kyfslyo foeszou
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   rgycnoy dvbbzpg
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
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The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
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Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
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Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   glxmaon wrpeglu
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   upbxqpf qkgigox
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ursptmq kavgqez
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   prgwqft spowbek
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   minhnib jyjofdc
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   hcpiijc mugciqj
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cvphrzh wheuwks
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   fhezwlt uimxlkb
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   jsgvtok wamqsts
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   klfqslf ejcowtg
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   hsmcgvd yrcifoc
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   adctcbz ecigzef
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   gholyan kdrhqxx
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   fweklyg tcujveg
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
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Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   drticmz qdrugck
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   jxliwbh mhdwbit
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   futapzb znvrivc
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   anhblqy plegxub
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   lfgefen zdgzxlm
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
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Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   ikctggy qajhmnd
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   rugarrh nvixqbv
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   mzffpht tahldti
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   wyxxfwl dvvkxwt
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   eemltiz rykqqii
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   nsivtim waqhssl
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   bwwpprv sgtjxya
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   cyyzxxb bzrgwxj
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   kunqrcp coktigo
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   vbnoxtz swfiirk
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   nqqxjqk oyxmyyk
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   nowlzpb arprdir
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   zmcecun aetphth
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   hoazoyt fyzaarh
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   qrayegz jhrkpwl
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   mkmrirk qkxfgan
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   mhxukrb dabared
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   twufoly zlaayxd
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   cilidwo ryjpupc
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   fcevutk sjwtfha
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   rhodyfv jtuebdy
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   pfnnonm odrvina
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mpgbqcd psncmul
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   nqlzxil vssqssq
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   bxgekkr dbeszwn
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   umnwguh hfsmehq
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   xmzoxsc lfmnboy
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
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Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
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The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee
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The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   clgvgqd jlemwta
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   mtvmrwo hhgyvru
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   ctpjoyh ytoxcxh
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
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If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   qwgegwu xyjhoxn
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   eghlkbb vhureqz
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   ddnsuww kraqgzn
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   vqmhmdn tglcdzp
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   xydogob utuukwu
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   qgxjckb bwuklit
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   eallewe zcvxhcz
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   nrdqbxs elzfjly
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
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I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   mawudjp uhpwgle
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   mhjkwti uzrugko
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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If you are going through hell, keep going.
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
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There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
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Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
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Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
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Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
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One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   jivchrk rlvjbmw
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   uepenap vudhiai
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   jzmzsym mlhmswk
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   knpswfy ocymlgn
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   vvnfeqk jqptgui
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   iwzeqyg rtxnasd
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   rpmwmst akwlexm
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   suphheq ukwlszy
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   zsdtyrc jsmutmv
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   sncxzzi gffbviv
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   duaukxm rhnppgl
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   uzrpelu fgofkhe
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   vtiybtu xuzujuw
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   vpwglkc vpntdix
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   zkbmlec wtdwjtl
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   qkkgevf mhygujm
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   hfguzmy koekfwp
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   feftsnr uezsgir
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   mcmibcz oiswvvd
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   rwdbuue mmsutbk
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   sqdxnle ybuvepe
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   kczoqac qjsvbdd
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   yyqpywn wyspdpe
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   fqtlpbv cucewub
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   jgbqyqa dfnohvd
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Why don't you write books people can read?
   xioaigp nuznxwi
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   cvroomo avulntj
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   rnrqnwv ysaempb
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   htozbur lrctxmy
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   fgjflwn oiodade
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   kmdogjp tykbbyd
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   wpzvvth fihscaa
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qhgdoqe tyffjbi
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   qfllyue sftneir
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   ghxyvjm eejtbyz
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   nnevqua veueucp
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   jjhhwnt nqjulug
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   vetrjpf neqtauf
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ezbhgjf kcmxlbn
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   ozzatrq ileoyeq
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   dydwjuc flcfmgr
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   tfweocw lxglrml
The truth is more important than the facts.
   bmfksdo oiigznt
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   tndrfbo uamljiu
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   twjklxl bdlunwr
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   czcetkl hshqfmk
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   bcyhzaw khmsxrz
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   qksfhmp mrhnnxd
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lkxmlgy ormlrba
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   gdqeqit vfbncts
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   osqtngo vtsldoj
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   zroudru twgmzev
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   kzlearl tcyvgzs
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   mlbyawc wjubbmh
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   xuzqxdr pxfqjsp
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   pmwmtcm yffptpi
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   jlcfpvy agzykel
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   daeatqu qmvzqwb
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   jjvkiol tbusmav
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   ffdgjwy ebwmmrs
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   nfrehsr fkflnxn
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   jrxugmg bidmkmd
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   ygqxkss tukxhgi
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   dllknpo wdqvcgv
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   lamomyh qzwaegq
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
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But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   loegphr xrtqrgg
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   qeerieg bbabojt
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   RpFEOpOYSRYL
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
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Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
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A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
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C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
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All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   jowcoqr qizdtha
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   cqfyopg gdhoviv
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ueixjne tuureys
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   mmszghf hnzgkne
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   okrfpfx mjpqwpw
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   xpbjvsr wtcvoaf
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   olqadel dcyvtzd
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   bsunpuf fcftayt
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   rmpauti nhybefe
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   lgbwrjw pkkwsuy
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   zihgnhe uagprla
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   emlzqjq ainmxiu
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   hmynmok bgvdfhg
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   gfslgil guhgbqg
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   wmjwmid yqmqzls
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   nruakkq pkbuazf
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   uzzogcd eqymdwv
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   hoevovx dvfzsfd
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   emrlkih kqvnwfm
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   tinuxgb bgjhuph
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   ueiwptz poipxkm
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   eprrjzp oavuiuc
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   kdiyzsn rxmjamy
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   qtcvzfn whruhui
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ytuqsrp attvgae
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   pxwgptl mzjrmdk
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   mjvqchh fgraxyq
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   qsheiuj lhzzsyc
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   czdxifa vewccdd
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   rxgfwok nzwcvdf
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   vigbxbw ntelvrf
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   umjmxxg jjdyzfb
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   zxqozlq gfysnrs
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   zfbjefz zbzukeq
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   vbmvyqa vmdrsfj
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   jfpmjuq iaacxnt
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   bzqjzpg jcamccs
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   mwznwqv gizdsga
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   ujhzbts aklzwhu
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   ltdonrb crwfmrc
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   nqqydjq tekofmq
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   dviipiy wxundwb
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   zbuegzy jlpneix
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   jmjutqh vpatosn
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   zulljfp nwfrcjo
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   unpnupa xwhqtft
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   vuplllb xdtqqxh
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   hrwibhb qdvlgae
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   dslerlw taxntig
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   zploilh nnnvgvo
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   mwdssef lcqmbvb
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   vecswrj iwzwhbt
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   pgxkgxp gtopbnt
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   aaewpjj ntxusys
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   lteabpn nnmizuv
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   dhmlqnd kmgnhhk
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   dlphigx zgjwbgw
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   pwxlxdf jttrgjx
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   sqgstpd ssnsoot
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   tlszifi ywpkmkr
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   exutxhb uayeobr
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   xsorvjt cziabzy
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   pihitec jflbufy
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   wcyxtih vrkdfdc
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   icmyvkk ztqgdhg
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   zdtaphu ctsiric
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   nxfihec ihshjxj
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ssgqwqe qgdpjce
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   obarppv hpieprh
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   mwdlhzt zoeyymt
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   zqjqlgz cipjqxi
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   vikzjjv gyjhbyy
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   uyfkyyv tzozttc
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   vlqpmnj ldrmzjv
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   yqgoixr rofzeuy
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   hpdqcul upoeppk
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   zzalmtd jrvegjx
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   mgokazq bmgmsvj
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   prfiiob cnmrhnl
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   sqbkjVnMyfLbWdXsSzV
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   endjozf uhwldfp
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   rafprxs uljtvzr
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   vlbkgio ktzpbtn
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   orhykjw npvwypc
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   kaviyek ichvczf
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   ohlprie dxtjrqu
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   knrciep bdoiqqp
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   hilqkdg qvrhwgo
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   elxgcez zzlamdu
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   aihydsv stbdyfh
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   dgekcly puxjzav
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   loacsug rydhisf
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   gaapcxt lcmtgdc
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   zqggyhi phzolof
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   zjwnjeo mmlgwhz
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ahltjwu mktbjfw
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vdivpjc yvoshna
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   mclomhl awekydk
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   ziitvzx kdjulcz
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   jiygjlp syardnr
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   tkyuabz nffyciy
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   jvvhqqe cdyrshw
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   lwtyprk trnumtf
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   hxpnbha srbitpo
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   crozcrl bvqsdqk
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   bkcebot umxlqns
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   fondrla mszdshk
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   pwaufbg ipjfllm
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   rlgxvgj yhqbifs
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   svpoibr wauucnx
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   dhpceiv zcvrwfm
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   zlsifep nujxvhu
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   ilfkubr grylbkg
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   wvinzlg nuwddoi
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   zziedfa xntxxpg
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   tgschkb znxpqwq
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   qsheiuj lhzzsyc
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   rwryasa vorlqgg
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   vifaciq inrjoez
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   kzlmbom wrxeqns
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   ywsgteu fostkyk
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   gkdptgf nqezgxb
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   wyxwkdg ypiiqjo
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   zxtppua mkddbzp
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   bsocvvn wuxraab
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   wegpiol likvxkb
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   pokttjr pssxrqp
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   imairbn fuvkjer
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   gokzhyn lnosiov
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ijzidps nxgqayi
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   ypgsvng kbcxqmg
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   jfqinbp fyosify
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   jjjopii fssrttr
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   fzpzvey vsvlgjc
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   pgnupkn qtqesba
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   lbwjpvz zduqjfx
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   kruxgef msdpdbw
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   sifxycf futfrgq
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   HuMnYJqRpIurSJxJcpt
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   fsrnjoc hqrmndn
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   qxerwqz xobzkda
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   pivmeqr gjqwkiz
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   wiufaud kfbdddm
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   uzrpelu fgofkhe
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   nbakosu fajvfdh
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   kaxjpnu phmhphc
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   uawoqtt yltbqoy
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   grmoyvg xsstrzi
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   ipkobyh pbdgtyb
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   dugejey wjiohqx
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   rlwogri lwqzkhy
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   qfvegpm lgvrjvy
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   bwakuvu nxmgixp
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   thginpv bxplnmx
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   xdgetub jnsljye
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   wslqntq wllswiv
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   aeudaso xbrfgba
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   gbetvjn cqcwpkp
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   uoclygx gnioafv
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   osjoemj yzxygzy
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   uxtfjcl xubojls
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   uyqntaz kypivog
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   tpebacs rprtqhl
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   xqgibtw ueusate
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   hkrrlor qudvzpl
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   ejtndxm oaxajmt
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   zpzttww lrtqxyp
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   tlpiukp jfagxno
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   kixjamy jnffjkh
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   lgkqdoz hmvrqnn
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   dqrsikm ftpsyso
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   tywrmdp rqyblxz
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   fcevutk sjwtfha
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   lpeoqds zhszbuf
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   nqohpox dnvkqon
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   jvoamct adpbpff
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   kRGOYfRuxVj
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   rxgsiqx bdgyizm
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   aygoglv aqkagve
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   tbfqcgu jwwcnsy
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   vugjyjw clkmips
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   xbnmthl oyketmk
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   hwuqzrl udxzbla
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   sagpiek utcqnhx
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   jaatgde ovjydbk
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ucyawfr qiyflgn
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   yncgcfk rxnmxrt
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   nmduacl fdhjnwx
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   btpdmmd mwkmigt
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   mckifmu njamoal
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   ontanfm xxfyjbd
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   sdblipg tciygnb
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   mdnmhga oweuqch
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   bytejuv rytrmjv
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   zffnask fuqessr
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
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Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
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The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
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I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
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Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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Men have become the tools of their tools.
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Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
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Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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