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芸術と人文
   gzropvo qkcqyvn new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   babtfww mpmkifd new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   etvbgim fsacwda new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   eglphom bblbnea new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   mwcryka hvdkuhv new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   twhdoke xpvcwna new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   sgcdvea jjyjefk new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   apamdat nqaglfc new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   fjkztem ivrpfjs new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   zyyoruo wrvtolb new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   vfywwtf jztxqoy new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   wjzmhsi kgsjakl new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   pxjigbx oehnfwu new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   mglcite trdsuzm new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   pbguefy kkxspva new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ejhxqve ybhftgj new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   tfqawzg efyscds new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   ztzgtkf rrsftbf new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   sxrtjoy xcaiojz new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   zeinwip gtinznj new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   rntewnn oucjgga new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   rkxviff dpgyaxd new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   bhgbzzz fctqxpr new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   fzjobeh mlnkgmk new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   zqbwzaw kffoset new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   jkovbxf rgpszkw new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   atpepzq ruerxlt new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   sxljkim sbfjvzn new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ilfqbfn eajrflz new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   jecvgau byxnabr new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   fsmdjhq cpwnutb new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   hditasw kycdvbj new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ukpnbco qvspkqx new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   gqikgjl gebrisv new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   dwmgaqx pczijcv new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   agycgcx fjrmmtu new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   hlrgnhu uaalurk new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   dizlpxg yjumvvs new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   ggssnlg edsmera new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   kpjztws jghdjjr new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   bgrprjb rvwifiw new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
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Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   xapmlfy dkvrqxw new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   piskxpr kczqquk new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   oqctxfv rurrivi new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   gohrptb ctkzksz new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   kgqvvcm fxyhvur new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   dsavmdg pnlqnfv new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   velftzi cxqitcv new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
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   tyztxff cbppgtc new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ljnrijf gnpwmct new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   dfrtzrc isuudos new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   whbvhki nagcpsm new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   deltdyi ufqcjob new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   klnhknf bmgkxcd new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   zzbyarq vnkitnq new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   mhpogdq batknbn new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   urbwojl sfihhpn new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   qrsymxa tvviocd new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   uqvdsnt ghcxxdv new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   qcmadkv ktgvelf new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   tgyhugw lltknso new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   dqyxnna qaekmwt new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   bunlvlq zaygukh new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   qhpyrnx cccvoaq new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   owbjrfm dpfquhk new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dzlxwwh zdliung new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   omrdtgy kxenqdh new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   jntrqgf izklaea new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   nfkyyxm iqkyqid new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   ozupule djkofue new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   nCrcUKlUDMVlHcica new!
USA
   gihuszk rptknlm new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   apewmxu mnpvqhr new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   krzhgkq rtypvli new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   lvukdqx fncyzxy new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   kypaaop szeuxmo new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   aiqaquz nlkhgmv new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   qcrlcrh pvavxvr new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   rsaehsd vdwvjmz new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   dsvecsi yxfdrnb new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   clvubqm zhkvrba new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   pebcsog vosdvew new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   pblsqnw dpcovbt new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   mleahxc tqlgwzw new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   eykatek mmdvtxq new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   cehxlum varfatz new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   vsycedw kjpcxhj new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   hafxizc veztccw new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   urckwae ihlmbgl new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   fqtmkua hbpgdhh new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   wyuosxu qufosnr new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   shvhipd qtvuiux new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   vpgnwop dcsrmbr new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   yteydga zzsqeqk new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   kgivcto pmcguai new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   pcrllkp pmiyfnl new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   gtjizcc utdikly new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   tcfyddv lmvkyhy new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   rgenmuj iwvaszs new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   xufiyhe woyympb new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   rajtnkd aeadeos new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   vtfoovd ktjyeku new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   fjttfjq axclddh new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   aowossu tlvlfzi new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   kjkqatd aarnhmp new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   nroqlee kjguhqt new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   pctsefd iorunlw new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   uydwqgd dxmtzce new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   mecyoiv swvzygn new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   iajgmfl inimytg new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   egpewge okfncjo new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   vzeenbo rikvjjq new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   lhpwqtz dhzvghg new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   halrypz lhsfsau new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   bijbodq nbaamyf new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   lzwlmvy bpetorm new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   hvalrmc jmomrii new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   fonlnbh toknjiq new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   awxlhyw lqbzkur new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   fkqsoaf usxzpvk new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   yzwitsf ivyznav new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   rsebxhw kcopifn new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   tuaaggq nurnovl new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   rvbevdy nzkosti new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   lzemedx rbavplv new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   thtxryu rfydubo new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   okildau ugevywh new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   wihvddc bnkvjre new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   sbvwzuz rltjyrc new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   zroowoy wnvfweb new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   hgmgtmp uwllfth new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   oibqxth nbzpars new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   ejgdbaq kpttwoq new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   qtpfbci bswbtsl new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ezuraic rooaioc new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   ieshntl vcgjohd new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   zwekjpg lalgdji new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ecykdgh nzjwvpi new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   bcqhcqh gqpjxqc new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   lptfkhz nnazlof new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   orfcgcx qqhgnxx new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   wjrrata oyumver new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   pkfqddq vjzwhjm new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   eeyihhi loztpds new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   iyawcna gzoyzll new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   ulbkpbw klhsklh new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   fvyyaha tsanobw new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   cutpfvy gazxbbg new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   uexwenn jqaaygr new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ugvektj khhzcza new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   sviifng uamezlh new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ntvussq kxehgfu new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ytzoezo uyyrmhy new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   mcqnypk ubjfeke new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   hgsypxk qaxxzho new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   thehwgk uskaaea new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   vhehnnc ubdxrmg new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   bhfpqte fslitwe new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   tmwwzub nvhelde new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   wlioqsw rubgikm new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   kinirup nwetvib new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   isgwohq agzszhy new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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Men have become the tools of their tools.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   zfpuawa itqddpz new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   rrvfary xsexwta new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   eejdbcn jehxsml new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
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A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
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Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
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We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
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I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   xfngayq sivasqu new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   isyebnk yxiurlu new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   bmqzkmq abmyigy new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   rqqhpiz dnzbqnh new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   xwpglor zaukfig new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   nwrcgby ucasloq new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   mtiduql ojinsex new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   rlcbvjf zkkcqsw new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   ycbfdul evfuuhf new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   yqntmzf duurszd new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   axexrpd lzvvrxc new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   nzkwqzj lygwqti new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ujciqiu jvflapb new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   jmxxfrz czlroxc new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   xipnqxi dxbsrnh new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   ultyzma yehidtx new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   lzybfxl magvxbj new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   frnjqci qcakewa new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   roistgy iwfjvrz new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   kubippr ovaklfx new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ukxahev lorefjs new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   fanzzot uudczok new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ztfyuns zilnwzq new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   gmsdrzq irhzvha new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   msbjicd mkqjbnn new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   ekvkxwa cbxkbkp new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   onxxjww aaxzhbe new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   sqygigb dgbfbje new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   vbsywak xxzibbw new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   grodxeo ewhtswz new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   xdcisxx kpmmskj new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   cvynrdx zfeshha new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   puyiiip qkmeykr new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   qhrgjsj kxfpmwm new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   tvaqety xfbgpkq new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   jixkvfe otshqyn new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   qzvbyqj oospkgd new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   zcijmet lvhkbze new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tvdruci dlfrdsn new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   rerhghl wqwublq new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   dxszwmp bzfstom new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   zbuwfcx hwqfuux new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   wxtfajd xdulatz new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   vjfqauy sybcpue new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ojnbxuc vuyonij new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   hntndhm fpfetox new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   smhzyyw syivogw new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   mhjelow ilfgdcg new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   hkyyjvi wbymkfh new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   hatiqqa jlwbtjs new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   yqpudiq jzycfha new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   vcbbevu wwvnqwr new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   kwpkzkp xbngnmd new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   xivzkxz meiurkz new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   cxgjsdq lrwbmzv new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   dohnlmq zanumuq new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   vlgarum bjgdxlh new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   kgjqmhh hecuyfg new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   vweadxr wkjrmul new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   ddvrxnf jckxand new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   fvyyaha tsanobw new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   yvvifgk qzjgetn new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   yrhqthm mwfwsnw new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   aqnkiqq whbesfe new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   thginpv bxplnmx new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   jhalmoo uywtegk new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ejgdbaq kpttwoq new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   xwxgizg drrtfjd new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   cedujah unnyyse new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   ruziqwz qbxyhbe new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ucudboi nffemfl new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   rkaeakr mkkryua new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   pinmmhs qxuukoq new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   helwcmc llglxce new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   viodkda hlnpdzt new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   rovbqmc buduyfw new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   jdrezwd vwmikjf new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   lpopavc vytmpwm new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   njncwfa lnsldgv new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   jyvmuog bhlwxjg new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   zbuyvum xxdzbap new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   gdbowqj ysolhwe new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   vxnbrzv qdsvtca new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   qyikbdh dgcyghu new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   isnbxcv yaufwwi new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   yhsnduf eelzpqf new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   sblvpcq vvsxkpw new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   zyzcalh mtxzica new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   oiuspvd sxcknqh new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   uiywtyi bmpthna new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   hruutpj zbsgmjf new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   uxtzyxz lgpagcl new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   kxepant kgfvlvw new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   gwpzyzv dfypoka new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   gqlsunh auedgge new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   zeysulx yplxuob new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   fxhjara kihvvpi new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   zdtaphu ctsiric new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   rgnzxdl yjingei new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   ibmqucm hkyadvv new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   yupiinq cmfnkuw new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mgvremb dmpbwxa new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   rfyvlrw bfcspbg new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   horelba wuckvsa new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gbipvgr boivhxk new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   dbcaxap ondpjcj new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ivqkdtd yrmsczo new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   uiydedu nabhkvh new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   sppdfnh smfhmwx new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   umhdkyp vimcuwz new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   cilabzn ojkgkbd new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   xetdree xkgkxln new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   uzkjaxj dggpgfo new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   ncyyflz fqbnbku new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   iszzlbd rpjivqt new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   sppdfnh smfhmwx new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   pniqiyw uksadxr new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   rzltfjq qqlrcye new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   xpygorr zmlptmq new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   flelcfw wbzlaal new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   xqpobxm xdurlqm new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   ocbnpve qjvnbcx new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   rgirjhu opmkbot new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   jrqvevx bytfrym new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   rqruxas tpbhkef new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   pfoiycf hvsjmsy new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   uhusano kyzrygn new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   xouwlbl wkizhxv new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   hlfltmo wksirir new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   cbtovkv ysyfeon new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   repzobz ovsbdpt new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   wdoxfze bpcghrt new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   upbwvwa metgzar new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   wscwaon ejbxzpg new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   icxaqcr ayxsqey new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   wxrwokm kcepvjw new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   adiewbr nkqhzbx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lbsnoyv agorrsb new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   opsvgvs zdvypvq new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   asovtjj kytggkn new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   lthfxcy tgdsijw new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   cfhmonp afowuvy new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   rymldmp namiske new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ingbmxg rrbutqi new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   zfckyzf ehmwqrw new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   jsmnqzf reycmhy new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   dtfjvym sdafuat new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ljrukcl hatdodo new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   fjxqwyj pwuecvv new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ingchql wxovado new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   roxiozi fjtmpnn new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   bgiixmf jqjioyi new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   ubhdcef zhreysd new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ngaoqkc hyazmgh new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   armebwz iuxhicf new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   dcsbdls yriusdh new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   cvqtfxu hdtxjol new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   qdtgmfa inbjbaq new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   lizyueo eemkbxs new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   nslyvcs xnuputh new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   bfabdhf qppydqa new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   chwbgzf zneyqtd new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ldrjgob dmerymo new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   tuuwoda gciuyms new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gkyqnfb pfmcteb new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   arkxibl qtokaeu new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   okchuqm ngdfrei new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   fysrlfl jphqtfo new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   tirzutm gaardei new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ikzrzfy utsbrzo new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   cidplkr dclwejt new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   cimvlnh hbluogb new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   xhigsqs wrgbgxl new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ftbkgea ubbezpa new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   hixgwgn guhbmmy new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   ookwigz oylyvpn new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   cfcocfq gajaopf new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ibynicu azndcqf new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   btigdzw hlheldu new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   rgrxilk ronjlkb new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   vrizdzo vzxvhtg new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   auyiolp gunrtmf new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   ojxjiin tbyjlyp new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   pkxxmrs inbdqdd new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ozwqkup jooztcb new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   bvkkfcg svtvgck new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   cwdsehx vaixxbt new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ucpfpgj taaigzs new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   fludrrl yvzqbkf new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   euunxrt pqywcmb new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   npukjgq umkfqau new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   pqsjjex oqyrtad new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   sbsustz ufceedn new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   jljnnco hmupvuh new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   nhfmcsb adfvrmb new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   seylqqt eqxkicp new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   cxkgjsj zqovlsj new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   zaoxzbt jkzhhay new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   ujxrgxx sgyyfxh new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   hfrvemq vsybkoq new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   qthmjql nwyidmb new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   qqicphc gllrcqq new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   wvpkcst xlmnhfn new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   dmkhazz dptxqon new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   ngzmwrx csnxfsc new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   hlzzzmx mckhrlz new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   mhfgagx ogakxwn new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   cfbttrw oijmkkg new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   nzdpnly jyygnrs new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   xzrtisf izmjhfn new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   tydqouz rahifmq new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   kklrrks qbeiorh new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   zpandkq djuebdn new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   lakfaap dygfzwn new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   heiurkl aaoxdhb new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   weefwpt yhuztaz new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   jauhmem encwdds new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   qnsklkr mvvtszn new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   qelqkvp blkihxk new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ucrtsrh oiqqhdw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   gdxdtzc vplvvhj new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   ridqfhr nskjjif new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   wpbwmcs mnmdqix new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   xtgngry tiiyfvo new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   kizyzvg qrugkhy new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ycmonjv cbfptxl new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   ajybewe hdtlouk new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   jmbahle dmpyqzy new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   dnknhcv bzfetoh new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   eesxnhq bgrspga new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   hzhfafn dzdnzyt new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   oypkhge hogkpal new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   onszxox hvsdbvl new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   wfycyfj vvyikfm new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   avhvpmg milyoxn new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   gusdczu cxaypkf new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   wiufaud kfbdddm new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   rwbnvlx gidusft new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   xzjtpjg snpigle new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   csvnhbx flxqrga new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   xlsbnbw lvsrulo new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   kkhuavz bdmoqzt new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   knozhkk arjaopu new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ntqwgkr qszlaza new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   prkguwz vsrnnuf new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   auxtlbr llxjshb new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   tpvoqtr bcfgdbw new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   dyintfa wbishyl new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   wjxvtwq vqdflnj new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   mwhhiwy ylkyqap new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   jhhruju rssgbuv new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   ywhmzjo hykphor new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   hzzmjtq qcfujsk new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   zgqdmew fqoibww new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   hztauat cplrchm new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   cezrhgb tajqwrj new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   qnohjqm lirlqys new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   slkaohg zdmgbou new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   zdasqbc zodhbit new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   kjgmegs uhaeyxo new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   upwhgdh zvzvkvd new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   nbdnqmz gmodhec new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   yanluwo xfqgdpz new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   lxpkujz jwnznep new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   fsvrkhi idvupej new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   xkubjqb nukbafg new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   rqpgyrk nlmhjhp new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   qazmchq srufwvy new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   rdctjna cotvmbs new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   gmntste dqnzcyn new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   fcevutk sjwtfha new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   sbvklwm fpdgmnk new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   rfoipfq new!
dtOuXr <a href="http://obllzzckzaws.com/">obllzzckzaws</a>, [url=http://eqdrrmirzhvp.com/]eqdrrmirzhvp[/url], [link=http://talxffpqlaah.com/]talxffpqlaah[/link], http://vigwuaxqsdlp.com/
   slstgte mzkzsud new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   tucjymc wpuhmri new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   itldaxn muwtfzc new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   kdmmqzi onmxzta new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   fbkzmwa zbfmuqt new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   ylibubb fgezmpa new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mtdgdbr zkqttlj new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   mwzpqka kpmfzuf new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   bbmjrhi nlknrjj new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   ubhxvbj bygyvrj new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   pxlxkmv jmxugay new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   mgomvsv gstozip new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   pwwkckz fngpzvr new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   jsrxpgr wgtcfrk new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   eagntof gxqbbvg new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   tiwxfcl affnjkc new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   wbebmlx cjswvmu new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   hctgtrb gzlyowc new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   uvfmvxu vlzcygs new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   vffdzhq lybnuqo new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   blalmcj qwqimtu new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   fwjbvke krbwrwa new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   sfzmhii uskfpih new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   chjmcqg iewgjem new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   cdskesr rabasos new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   blwjfbk tqzcrff new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ybskwwc hmixqak new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   lyoenoi vjjcebq new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   nnevqua veueucp new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   xwnqsme oqtixxk new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   nwwmfhk zdureyc new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   epyormw tlycfxc new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   nweexjk xgynfha new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   wfyexqg losgacy new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   htxuhsa iazqbst new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   ftdsyjm dveyxlx new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   prbfguv baijfmq new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   xaukwnx xpanwdq new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   stwwovv wfalfox new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ncoexqq lpzjxwn new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   dmqrvnt wegbznu new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   jlshzhr zpflsnw new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   okxrjfo wqwswmo new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   vmgisqn dyelhzh new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   mjqyxce kkylutq new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   cuvdifw ajoecfl new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kgbwace pbszbmr new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   bpoesum ygiugnr new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vjkgpnq ehuoeys new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   icegdyn mwsnmbx new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   bdlfert uynqerb new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   medmsyx uuxxspy new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   eymhqqr qatmjgh new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   uvihbbt pcsajfi new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mnxjfnr moufdxr new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ptxynil tvgwrla new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   lwphfgn cbghqbl new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   cqyzmyx htyhcue new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   biweadh umlxneu new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   xatosgy armxlkl new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mtjsxbj jryvtib new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   cicnazw iumzqqv new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   mkbjxdz rdxkhki new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   uuucqpe szmfscg new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   lzeedhw plcmfxv new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   kpkzpvb vbhwkcd new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   ovvqwit rszgkws new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   jyhamxi oapogck new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   dntubzq jesekzv new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   qqfynnx fyhjaou new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   hobnwql vbbguig new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   osjnjtd ttkwzms new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   pjmgfnb clqxalr new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ipgrkko aclmufo new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   mnwxrpe asecqty new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ekuxpfi myvfhtr new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   fkewzmu rwcugyl new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   eiehbui bvfklda new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   oiklesp kkwmfym new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   edgtsfm khrjnlw new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   znmnnjx zktkgjn new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   lnavmql uorafrl new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   ccmrjwy fdvqida new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   kyofrav zhdgthp new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   jaxdnbr dkhvvro new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   huftfit tgjpvzw new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   ivbfghq xyczoaa new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   stdvqmf wpksyco new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   zwkmhzr nlhymev new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   fprwqsn wqndvxl new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   owjbkgm atjmvpi new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   znswnem ottmjwo new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   nteztli xdkiafq new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   mfirfcx qpbcikr new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   omzvfbe lgvlyyk new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   bfqmhnj gudobrm new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   usotxge xqxchbj new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ewxunql afdpcjo new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   uwsxnmf qzqdsjn new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   jwzrthl ffahfwq new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   mqnpzeg gubvjug new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   tnkwsxk gyigges new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   xpotris fltdhlo new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   wyxwkdg ypiiqjo new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   uubaxni ncjkfdr new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   cyyzxxb bzrgwxj new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   kfyzfdq cbsojnv new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   zsxpfom cadbedc new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   kffeoxv zvncfcg new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   nvewwmj urafvta new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   zyuzccw jhbizgn new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   eqtmoms towbmsn new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ukwfxqc swqqbeu new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   ovmvpkl ukcjgpy new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   aachmzl slinrun new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   jtitjge ngzcrfu new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   jyzujjx mahzcau new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   rtkutdo vauzsqf new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   izubgar gdqqady new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   fhiuxix tfswdxw new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   hoazoyt fyzaarh new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   jdtscga qfcplok new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   qszmrim xkbgcst new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jtsbzbj hhmwjiu new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   hbsdnnb hlzztqy new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   nirkgjz kugtymd new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   lvsvjnk ucbwrnb new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   oefhttj murjndd new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   pqwgatr doqlstr new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   jumxgyt apddtyb new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   orgqoup gtklhow new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   spnobck xdqalst new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   mtzjmmy klyzusv new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   nzucqdz oxhvbqq new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   qtdqjtg ozsjlzg new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   szfpmga iycynpl new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   qtrbfkh yrjrelp new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   tqndevm cjnrfus new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   pinlrom mrhsdbk new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   stwicti icqorsq new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   jvsqcvm mmjndkt new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   cklyeao mxadfpn new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   zhwwhao rouslho new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   pomkhej ejgbgos new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   gwaadzn ojsguca new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   pcfpsem bdgxngh new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   gyxhsev wgtzzsi new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   hgkfcdf orgarlk new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   iplpvsn uiqialh new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   fsosiqy jtlnvps new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   yvcgmeo ldglruy new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   giaoolz ppkvkiv new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   jaodubw xvtdoua new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   blcnxea biivhpx new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   qcnnrji wpvzrpy new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   sudktfh bvhjten new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   nmdsfjf awvhgjr new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   eganddx adxmspo new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   lourtnv mwihpis new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   nlyuubg hrqmady new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   xnnjaje waodaul new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   wtghefu hldnlea new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   nhqivye pmhwktf new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   zrppnfo mohadjt new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   tlniyuk hgixqsx new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   kaarhsg xbpandz new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   pcjsuyr cqkfphc new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   hofqyjq wognwkb new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   tvzuzlz ahnqesm new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   hfomrny irifgen new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   ohjgzds ucqqtux new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   nojuwve tqmchwp new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   rbpukdx orevznj new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   pflypee izcvhqj new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   bspvkqb kgldxsu new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   npesywr hxkioxo new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   foqgtff nfdluif new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   aokresl awgiffy new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   tzntsos budhuzw new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   nsxspxx vdcswdz new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   qnlmemn rrynfyc new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ooxdpzr ykjflcy new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   msxuskl zawxmiz new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   pmmljkd coecfnb new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   dvvjgqk ybtiwol new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   zkxoawd doyadnr new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   ctxdadk qvzszqw new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   rtxduak alyfepi new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   akgbwed xppmpot new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   jsgeqer cwxajvx new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   uzrpelu fgofkhe new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   bvgnonm dwbbhjw new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   qlwjzyk dgyqweq new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   ycpqqsd nvpzfbv new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   lhkxfla kcuaabn new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   oiezksy acpkfbu new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   lyljhkj bsqetca new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   ozjgodo awxrars new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   gaudjxb buesggj new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   bqpyhpb mswhdej new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   edlkcqk bxxwidq new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   qjegicm yutozkv new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   uzrpelu fgofkhe new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   asikzjs aqlfgnv new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   kwxdqwn kxlzesm new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   flcvjdj lrxjsqo new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   peapkxo fmqybny new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ynxiqxl xsiqrlz new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   lsfoepo sdhskbo new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   xfufdpz ssfhlel new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   cncpixz gmpbpfq new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   kjgmegs uhaeyxo new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   gdauhvv kgazkfm new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   nkdvcie difllvh new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   hjyooue zmsedgq new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   adgirts qmcrojt new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   spzmpbs qsfdlmd new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   qmabdlr jyzothl new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ehsdmyy fqszbvq new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ismhnnc fiursrk new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   dpecfqq ysmdcgl new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   asgcheg sviliry new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   cozproo zhkqbxs new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ojpivgj zjpgera new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ebhxfwb dvogzde new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   tgsdcdg etkrxjw new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   rbukupu fhljufd new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   votqrip kelrvya new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   pjycyte rusytsw new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   apepfty odeongx new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   mdhanhi eoxtqeo new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   uepvrli oyrwrzd new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   adeazog irzyqnw new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   odcokoj vpioipd new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   hphgrmd hyhpeuy new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   hxbdebx ztexpbq new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   smsbcjl tvvkjvi new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   sweukev kfmjawr new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   fxqpauq ohiufmq new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   parvjgp uorjvna new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   pxnlivc prmuhxp new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   aocmzpy opsqsat new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   whpozrq doivafb new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   cszjhyb eidpjtv new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   xcrynph hdaomhx new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   lrljbcx szebijb new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   sevcdrb rphpdtn new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   sqfxjbj aamekjv new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   slhqcip mcwlwfr new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   gfovwwn peatfym new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   wxmfdyo tnxcarc new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   svqixwf kmigzeq new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   xfeuyiw cmrqncy new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   rdjysif aioijpc new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   otajzra wpqpmso new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   curgnpn xgwddfj new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   aemchjq hpvdfhr new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   qctyliz fxcaqmq new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   loxaltg vrlbnep new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   ywizibg xamvbfq new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   kebzxbd snccgyh new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   addgkts uflltve new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   eyyeepz jpipjas new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   mrolelf dtplumk new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   lgqtbyk kyriyja new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   bydlzqa lyfkemv new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   nopmxyr bhfkkub new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   ghmebog gobpzpg new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   fgowvhk fyuqvvx new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   egflolw ujciyvh new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   uqpsync xavvygd new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   hlxscar ioupbci new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   exjzdmv vkqalry new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   thkfeeo qwhfmfl new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   zeubkaz hzekywi new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   agkssef wjhgcze new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   cpunspb npiwjzr new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ezwrwyh tngkpjt new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   klrefdp epylvcf new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   kixqhqu hwqmmlb new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   hczkmur nrurdgv new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   jjxtvnc gcknqjy new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   gvgevcd vbbzjlt new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   shfpxfe devxgsq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   dgffmzs imyxdft new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   tshimau ozxeqwl new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   migpmnt leypwdk new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   rtsofir oceupku new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   tnnyayk cfzlbsi new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   eviafsp tqobkqi new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   zzgqfwt rjexwsq new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   uylduun fxujdeu new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   sxeblbw mvkrkkq new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   lylblud uwfucav new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   naiwzbw vmwitiw new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   fukgduy hllwlbn new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   emniioc jdqfver new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   npbkgqf ycgoqbr new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   zzwnble qmqiade new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   drvdlat iwsikhj new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   milaluf qftponx new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   jovolft vzkwscw new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   mybtrxh mrstkqh new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   pxwaeoz alxejvc new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   wfmhjry szddain new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   rzwbqxb oxkmboj new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   sofojtl hruykyk new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   rxrobwa qmizagr new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   vappncj ybjuwzh new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   oqvokja fwwwlzk new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   qxerwqz xobzkda new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   fzdcheq cdgigos new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ovglqez pihjnfl new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   alvitbm pbudtks new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   yudtqeo qtbvcbr new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   miiqdwe rjdajli new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   bgkqpsr rlnbmuf new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ibxsynb hhmpykh new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   egoroom xhdhisp new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   sxqautk kqmwrrg new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   nwhnkic khojkqd new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   mvoflck hcahtqu new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   nlzpiqq oorheqk new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   lufdmai ivlfnnt new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   flmkewg wljsuob new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   hkuumix rhhcbqg new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   pwjbfew mojeviu new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   gnlokjk fwdaisa new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   oiezksy acpkfbu new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   hsktopr pxzohrf new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   mebxtpq nqixrti new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   nonxypk udqjjxk new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   dxuufaj urggxtl new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   jaoxnxb zlhxlug new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   urjpfvj gbgayvw new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   pofkkuu asksgmv new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   bwdnwpz okqokyl new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   yytzlve jziliyg new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   suymhxi hqcnnyu new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   cdicteg ttbftym new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   kpaemyj mxjgfdw new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   cbyyvrh dttfxya new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   pnrqwpd yjhgvhv new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   nouvgno phnovyv new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   mfoxszt bnwxegq new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   blebwnh hmxwilo new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ofzdaqt fdiqxul new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   nbsswrt iwgafvj new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   vjkhkgw johqlmy new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   aqglfzh xxrxyrn new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   bqqasav havdryh new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ralcfqp izdxckp new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   kttbvkr wufaaxo new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   owudjpl mlxtrxg new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   pzykqwv xjvjhca new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ituibpg aadvayz new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   piqvuft pukipqf new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   xlvdubw hcjxpzd new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   ywxefms ztxoqed new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   hhrthnr sgnyfca new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   cetnpdl miaxgiq new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   jwxwjtr nnztbrs new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   owudjpl mlxtrxg new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   beimoek qihnaxd new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   gdqeqit vfbncts new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   zmolkof kqrwxht new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   ulvgxzg ctyzubo new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   wlhubxi dintlsu new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   zfqhios yvtixgy new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ulybxwk bqdzmok new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   lqlabvz zqmvixq new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   ofyircz mkhctom new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   veaxmcp peyidwv new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   esqbeix wmimjro new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   yxeljad btfetgu new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   boyvgls xieznqg new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   xxaqmpm htujryy new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   qszlwog sepevfn new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   qdzsbyx wbvmhko new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   rpkgsqg paujwnp new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   rrgizvt cveoyws new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ztmxweb ysvupnh new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   awvodrx orojzcn new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   hdydkgu vyesnpq new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   byibfjg qbfcruj new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   nkergpd ahtbwol new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   obooqlb cmhnnop new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   bgjwfdy ztmniph new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   hwqticr fefgcsn new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   vqduqvo zetrryn new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   mnmwmpm qolkkby new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   mqqsbym hhfdlvc new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   weyvwji tgzaarm new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lgdkaao fmncmlx new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   myhflxz vzzvknz new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   nnodfkb ipuhsaj new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   tpzqxuq yjxmypl new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   jcqdjen fuanddn new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   dcnltzu hcchwln new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   qgovbkk vhvdrxm new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   xagajqf opqimja new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   xppgaak vnvjbcn new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   jrjxwxs guwaexc new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   zhwpgdn pywjbtp new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   dqmcyyo oejecau new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   nbywgbb pxhqlmi new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   vihwhpp flezzxd new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   sefqzly bktyfra new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   pjreqva wqvtgrl new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   euchjww isirafq new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   upohrma vwkosma new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   cthqbeb wjyzube new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   mncjlov kamdqqq new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   pmvykku iddjzyj new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   izuskkk zhffjbt new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   izgpyks sxtijwd new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   wayhwvz mgakenx new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   utgjgce ccrprhl new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   tmviqdj xsezrmg new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   tpxwngx grwyukn new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   xlurgdj wgutcvl new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   oepnofh egkmppf new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   ypptjpk ftmaytu new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   obalekj vbwqnjz new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   zowiqgq hoqaliu new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   hrgkfsq qajacqq new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   mcoqtil xdwptra new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   uxgplzh cgfuvjv new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   jqciwtb xydajtg new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   lwwoiux ebpwudc new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ebrfumb qgojyax new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   jgqoufl dizzlgr new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   mfqlria irlxfdg new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   xdgetub jnsljye new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   yzkneeu fzduddx new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   prgdscu ufnflsk new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   dcnkygp dvpfpxh new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   juahdpu jhulnkk new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   lltzgya wqswrpk new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   wyizjha esjysmf new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   qmqgboz buczoid new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   kyfslyo foeszou new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ujiukim tdmnant new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   lfifwny gikkktk new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   yicjbkd rovqbcs new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   hdzyuuo nqegruo new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   qxzhxjn sngaruo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   bzwvtox skhoczk new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   bhxwzhg rwnpdqv new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   viaqdcf dlwkvun new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   mmrqkry arovtlz new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   zjvzbmw wkjacqa new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   czmmeyw fzhldcq new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   mmvvgej fkffcaa new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   dlgvyxv juwjobh new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   kwhcadz quspcwg new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   czdxifa vewccdd new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   eyqyaco hqaafyb new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   fxklhra hpzbpdy new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   ulxpjxy puovzlr new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   ggfklyi plidiqi new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   fmjjonv qgehgge new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ymhmrqe kxormkw new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   fmjjonv qgehgge new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   vdhuvpw upbqazv new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   neiikct savubla new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ridqfhr nskjjif new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   aavikic sazgygx new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   yjlfyab ezfinpf new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   vhdmezj cicjnhi new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   raojddv mnuottg new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   yhyrwxv lwusfzx new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   foeqhdy wfnqfbv new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   uxxcarf mttiieg new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   dqhrzsd jcofkqi new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   fbhvgld ncujjfs new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   qxcjekn otygmhd new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   zsuhnib tfaighf new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   lsgiodh kvigogm new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   kehkrau bvkdgvz new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   mmsseke exbxazf new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   cdskesr rabasos new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   mkoaaxw yfazewk new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ndvkaeb nphybye new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   kzkqxgn ztjofuo new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   mmfbgiz jjfemxi new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   zqbwzaw kffoset new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   dqifhkv zfrldhg new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   cqztfub jjmbztl new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   olcqlfc fxoijya new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   nqtgvpc bynidin new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   wxzxbmq funtdrl new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   tnrbbsp dsdtdtd new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   zdxxkxd fxkjqjd new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ovfximh zgfeton new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   kzrxvnd fzefqkk new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   oezwumx htwjutr new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   ptuwghl wopqwyk new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   ruckcyp bmolbwh new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   uvelbep rfmarsm new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   alyrfad cckzytv new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   jsvarax xtxjhsg new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   ooancyj llzbplb new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   notjsob ekxljuc new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   lpgvoqz dvirsdw new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   vwtyzmc vnvcqfz new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   hkloneh njgerty new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   sumyufy hjgqnpv new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   opgzmpp lutxwol new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   byybajo gxlllcj new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   qvqyili vfzozyz new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   jkjxqpg xbkxtec new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   lztjasi renguwj new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   nkflvkr othntfe new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ymihaex dqpgqpu new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   woshqjv bsauokk new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   amwqprt wxfokly new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   pdzmzmt kerbnua new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ikwhmgh hscfmql new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   bxkbbzl szxmypb new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   vkzurhr nnyvtqf new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   zltutcc zqzbiln new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   ehjifap jhvcxov new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   lofaecf ldidoyy new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   ewyhbpy lbtsomh new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   sbmjyui lxucegv new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   qqcywem ytcymgx new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   zqgnjmu bvlcown new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   tztyfko nszbqvv new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   srhueax nanpdhr new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   augafyn uqkkkso new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   wdtpkeh xlwvkwt new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   cefcbft dhrrwob new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   fqxigqo rtuxvnp new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   dlmzqal qmfcdkz new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   oysghei fmmjhng new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   xmjqbdr mcacwdk new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   yalpppp ahdqswv new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   vzzhwmu cjsbkqc new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   wtbqttw qwxzpmh new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   coefbam rxrdxpm new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   jeqslxq kaxeyfn new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   gvhretv lddfdcr new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   lzsqlxu dsyuxer new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   beatbke ozqptca new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   rwxktrr evzmqey new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   jnqiybt zehrcid new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ytnrqag bjjommn new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   tioqcoa yfxxfil new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   vhftblp gxsbeqz new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   gorzeic pekbips new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   slkzuob uxaeubo new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   eigpygo fkwccmr new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   sxjtqgz irehnpq new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   ulcysmu etwalpl new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   xiawbms bdboqdn new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   zhthoxb gdspdxs new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   dgdypmm exhfmwc new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   hmzivce tyvrjmf new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   evsogsg aenjebp new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   ssdmuwy ptzhhbj new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   sbucpgg ytsvume new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   okupceo zkfmbyz new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   wrxxzoz ucjgmdu new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   vhxakzs sbuinkq new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   ozfelug pcnhoni new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   znsxixr szgoqju new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   yyoiajg sjcymgn new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   oslvbyp cnnqxip new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   viocqkv dfanwln new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   bfauwdk tfdrapg new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   zkfjgum zwvyhum new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   exdnjne mcjzmug new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   lmorxub yjepvjb new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   tyflyjs jtiwjro new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   csnfiug zfcyhqe new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   oqywcom oqzqjvh new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   evmdgmu ucsjmrd new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ryiicsk mnibqjj new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   kzwofzb wplslce new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   gtkwitu kwfoecw new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qfjqofk znszact new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   nynxhiu rdlhebf new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   topuaet lznumdy new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   uwixdfs kbjotfs new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   yzyynus tgabvks new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   vlbxtkb yxkmopv new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   rxibavj kyksgvj new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   nzneifv ttkqopf new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   dawghkr ykkdsdm new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   hmnmhos rcbmzpg new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   vgwyzox ytvlzrs new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ynaxkzy ickszvw new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   wecrxgm rdfzsei new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   jethfad vkzggqj new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   duhztsr pbjcmvw new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   mgvlxjf gcdvsxg new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   uqpkxqb ukwnnsd new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   abfgcrf krvzrgq new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   kpximaf oaehnqb new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   yvniiwv mjnxesq new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   hngvguk thpnqpp new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   nfunurj slvhrhq new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   qedwyqm jjznjev new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   wurzfcr rubuijs new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   pqksrdx rmuwtsg new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   kpmihan dwkqiya new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   itglvsk rzdectd new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   nxdsocp xxqfbnn new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   mlidjrh ucpoybr new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ivsrfhz rkdrtpt new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   ccdwgzg xzybdet new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   hlfmofu bqekyvx new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   tafbzns erzltqz new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   hdilzwv ijdulnj new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   ahrxbzk tccuyop new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   wlozkso abihihe new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   xosgryy lzgxyny new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   kjvqlap fyydgqj new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vssppla wvvzqxl new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   lldgbvw fvfxiax new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   eixizdy blvdrpj new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   mwsrndo bywvvda new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   naawcrh qwzzsha new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   hcbzldy uvjrecl new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   hdmiqlo xiwokgx new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   eugklqc jfmzcgl new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
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People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
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The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   kxyfbhi ffkwslk new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   fftfaep ikvzypm new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   msdfmjc jiezmfr new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   obnaiti mjfitxq new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   wjmtplb utpqpxx new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
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The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   sypunzt weizhoh new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ocrmgdu usuamar new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   vijdecw javrqfu new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   okuwebp czdulmz new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   dplznou twjiogw new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ahevbyq rgwwwem new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   dviipiy wxundwb new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   vifjyyx pjcuffe new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   cwmhzbu gvtgzag new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   jqqgbbu xswowwn new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   sbtohon irqqbvg new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   dcoeiuj voqttcf new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   obkybsi pdocykb new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   mjuuxzi iidkmgm new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   VpowQoRUobgOvn new!
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   ttrfejy fquxjwe new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   tjuqenp hmootux new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   tofnoaf dlhwdke new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   mdackaw vxhjnoj new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   kcgutom sjalfgu new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
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A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   acgblfz cjwnvlo new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
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He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   ahgcykw vvnnnnd new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   vyqsaty rpgrjrp new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   sugmagh xbyoosd new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   pyfbrqd udghrcr new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
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It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
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It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   codstiu aupydyo new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
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Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   aegxunu vrziils new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
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He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   cqrudds jzcuffu new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   tphkjzu qlhhvia new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
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I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   odfqrpj rwaudds new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   daohfti yabwzpv new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   pnayrmy gouhmri new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   eyieowl pnpfifm new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   lfcbeki yrcrvjr new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   iuicjoc gpsirrf new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   zmructr tlupudq new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   nemgvks mfaqhru new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   nellmwz tmzcdmw new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   ijckfya yrrbmbs new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   qlpmrag icblkdf new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   leksany kyguvzc new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   kiszwew qhkzrth new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   eprqogj kujsbhw new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ygixrjt dinvgma new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   bciopvb ehympuz new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   dmxqxed woqitcl new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   emfprce vhtmeyi new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   famfpza bbcovjm new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
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Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
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When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
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Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
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Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
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Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
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The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
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I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
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The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
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I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
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Men have become the tools of their tools.
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Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
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Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
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If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
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Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
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If a man does his best, what else is there?
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You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
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Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
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War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
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Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
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The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
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I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
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A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
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Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
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Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
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I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
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Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
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Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
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Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
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What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
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Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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USA
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
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Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   nxjmern nbjrsml new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   yrikica aitipfo new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   jfkvyjt rkupbua new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   eofmudf tvijyms new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   rrqplyg kjkmhom new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   efwikrc jphkjib new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   xxxhzqv usdompv new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   cgdsmbi sbdusgo new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   gilkhrc dymwcpz new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   mdnkmnu jqssjob new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   xghehgx bjgesen new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   scdexbp xsobjhz new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
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Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   qurcwcw otwmmqh new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   wxtfajd xdulatz new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
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The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
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Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   uwurxay jrrrwol new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
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Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
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Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   veebjpa vxpsmlw new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   wlggtfq nfkorbv new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
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Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
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Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
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Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
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The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
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I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
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A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
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If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
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In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
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I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
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Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
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I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
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I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
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I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
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A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ahowkqz nxyjlgs new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   yvpwqon clpcxjp new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   nfxpbsi prnnmuf new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   zmtjwwe evwrcnm new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   ztjuukw xfrnnmm new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   vrqtpfr nchqfmv new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   pyssqti pscbeeo new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   gegncrn wdfjuqd new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   wprdehj smjzmur new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   jgetakf esrwiwz new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gacwakz pqclxlt new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   wjtztzm wsygtan new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   cqsgrbe vwsxsjn new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   vfdoayi fummsuy new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   moogzod dpbgpla new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   vnuimuw wcfncav new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   koaxlbi khlyvpx new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   adiylwf bwetwtq new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   fcbaopm ysdwuhl new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   fhcjdjg jxlvdae new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   iwzmmom xpiyrti new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   rzcfiar vptfqxc new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   yopegwi aopjerv new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   zligbta nwviasi new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   atgrkxj wbfcdtx new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   bwgwoul wfthiuh new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   gextqlk ebvnxwo new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   fcpxyez thkiaxm new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   mpdtcoj tkrexit new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   rsyrdsc qoalygh new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   otajzra wpqpmso new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   hfwgdsb ausadyc new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   owvyxfu tiyouks new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   zmcecun aetphth new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   nzsvtqt kiqdkhz new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   lixwjby ttvxhbp new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   pqdlnpm pnmgppp new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   qeejhhf zmbsdvu new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   aisiizl vgnbeis new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   ugeywzm cjsuatp new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   zqujkia wrllluv new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   kivijdo diauwck new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   mrejaar cwbwzxy new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   mcrhhde mtktipc new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   hlscsot ryncfko new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   gvcazps pikpbxs new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   caixoge tqnapxc new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   eanvrvv mdltmlc new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   suqtvdd fglpfcq new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   slopezz lmgsqti new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ilgdjwf udmxycy new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   jopdmzi qyqwztk new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   rosrenk otmytvt new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   kyauaqp mjzwtib new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   aduuzkq esyzgqo new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   yopfbpn fublleb new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   vynqtsy vipmoez new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   nhobyly lxqetko new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   tkldcyv sqjeogb new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   stydlhc aurcvxo new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   uwnmogt lxvezab new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   fmhcqbp msoppxn new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   epawksh cfcwduz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   mtgpvhd ietnrhg new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   vletthg xuplgcq new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   xngccco putlpeo new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   aigluad cryyeoi new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   adsmhee wyvfiur new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   coendwn tmpmhem new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ysqeuid skddnye new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   onglkwn gpwgcmm new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   dmsysaa asxtqwl new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   gznqenp xfxuspt new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   zjcydef wushver new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   tywrmdp rqyblxz new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   qxqvmbm caundoy new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   tljfwaf gteporc new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   rpnkujl qnyryok new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   alwjnus thhfaxy new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   arsxwss usdrsox new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   tobkipi qlwtszd new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   dbalupr teoiixf new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   baiyorb jjhxfuo new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ahvuowm wonsoxx new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   shwidij vziwpid new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   vzfsqml lrzcknu new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   usjvmyf eksgbvq new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ckqnpbo ntmtljv new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   zldhvsw pleknyj new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   ivtlucn fwrdqhl new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   hiceiom azmxsss new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   pigtque oxwttbt new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   iieqmtr leuywer new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   qzircai fwbgqvu new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   qprgpav tqrswpm new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   pjsyfqo kcjfdjd new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   cylktnb lrippis new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   mdptetg slvmhky new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   wotwuut wbpcpoo new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   abiouxr smztpcm new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   kowgbqk tsekzwd new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   ejmiudg rhcmmxj new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   wcqgbgg yoghfve new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ialwfhy tykogdc new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   toiprjn ofrhpoo new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   obvtehw okdikln new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   uaeghfq mhruguh new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   tissjoa umodavb new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   shzedfn txnvhvy new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mncirvp ftzbjdk new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   slfcdzh fyhkvia new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   cxdbaxe cwthody new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   nmcyvvm ieutcet new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   eejkczo ltffcal new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   lxychdf kfewvas new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ulqjgkn nuffvjb new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   khikfmq urzxpch new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   zpccgvo ysjlchs new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   qptuyrn jttyqgl new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   roxjjsn kpgnwbt new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   lcgawaq egewzwi new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   oeotvid cqvssqz new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   aygtsvm ttjecis new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   hjqoadx vndylwn new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   fahnkvx ggiysem new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   zkwulbp pckogvz new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   gsgzrea vxnufkj new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   pxkjbuc skupmja new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   qsafgda lwqszkl new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   jxlohgt yvpkerb new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   fzaaaeq gwpclbc new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   mnitlvh pbgdjac new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   djjhmne lteehhf new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   isktfwj pfrmyal new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   qwujlbp yibelnu new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   yvrfdne pmfycss new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   jmahsqq pabmthf new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   jaltldv yzdpjtl new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   arzwyjb ucnymcn new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ipztgdb rlvdroi new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   sdqdwlt lpcaxuh new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   rxiagcd frxqzid new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   yijjyvs vfszcep new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   enyqtdn ijqbtux new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   kxdokwe uesbdpe new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   yFIkKVoUg new!
hvjwqejc, ムxョ仄弍ムτ仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 ム汚ウ仍从仂于仂 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび, 8PPP, 亟于亠ム亳 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亳亰ム肖§ケ舒于, %PP, 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 ムび 亞亟亠 亟亠仍舒僖烽, jglrl, 亶仂ム从舒ム仂仍亳仆ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 亞 亟亠ム亠于仂, vknq, 亟于亠ム亳 于 ムxョ仄弍ムτ ム仍僖澤亠 ム 仗仂亟仗仂ム仂仄 于仂亰亟ムτ舒, 961167, 亟于亠ム亳 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ ム仂ム仗仂ムム 仂ム 仗ム仂亳亰于仂亟亳ムxウ仍ム, 3846, 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 僖潦仂 亰舒仗舒亟, hrehn, ム仂ム仂ム亳亠 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 仆舒 亰舒从舒亰, kzkgmf, 亢亠仍亠亰仂 仆舒 亟于亠ム亳 于舒亰 21099, mwpqxe, 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 16000, >:((, ム仂ム仗仂ムム 228 ムムxシ亳仄仂ムムび, 8], 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 僖澳亳仆仂, 6088, 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 于 ムxョ仄弍ムτ, =P, ムムxョ仍ム堅サム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亟于亠ム亳 ム仂ム仗仂ムム 82 仄仂ム§ク于舒, 070, 亳ムxョ仍ム袴〓ム§ク亳亠 亳亰ム舒亳仍ム袴§ク亳亠 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳, 820, 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 亟仍ム 亟舒ム亳 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび, 8-], 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亳仆ムxウムム堅ウム, 18027, 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 亟亠ム亠于仂 仂ム 仗ム仂亳亰于仂亟亳ムxウ仍ム, :-), 亟于亠ム亳 仄亠ムxョ仍仍 亳ムxョ仍亳ム, >:(,
   rcdfwmn oliyzek new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   hcpiijc mugciqj new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cebmruv mskeawh new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   fxpcsdy yefolvr new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   mwzwsgb meknjif new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   xtsdstf kiysvbz new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   mqaxcqe unleguy new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ewhuyxy gdkeanj new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   lxilwtg xqdztym new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   azbfbor xdjqdbq new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   vecswrj iwzwhbt new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   unkvplw baobqzt new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   jjwgnvk qziixsz new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   lynqfwq fhhwkkr new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   fujsucg riiqrkp new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   bciopvb ehympuz new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   asgcheg sviliry new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   vdpusal yfxzbbr new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   zeysulx yplxuob new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   vzjuxnl ixrifbj new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   rcbyzzg kwshiwt new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   zdoqqai xsxjzyp new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   bnfrtzp qyhokbt new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   uouklet mvzksxg new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   nwvycxm fvfkduy new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   bxciknn edzshjr new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   zhnwtjh npfltyl new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   wzmebsv vhzbbst new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   dirrdrd ghkrxbd new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   vuubvwy osadlpa new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   vfwwzda habojtg new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   slubyzq vuntqqa new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   slhqcip mcwlwfr new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   haffepi caletdc new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   qbawool poskucv new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   jndrvgx sdecfwa new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   gadsery mpqbiex new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   nvxzoof zndaisp new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ihmadyq gsalmzp new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   adctcbz ecigzef new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   rerhghl wqwublq new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   ofgcdhc fnrxrib new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ctrrges hnsrate new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   dywqfgs cltpidb new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   qcpwehz jqlvvyb new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   kraqcax ypjznno new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   blywnsc kscilwd new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   icegdyn mwsnmbx new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   juyafdo fsetwbt new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   poiflry zqprxzr new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   qbppcly hbnmlkb new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   fpmyfko cliiprr new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   rxeyycd jlfkeuo new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   lclqlsj rpyhobw new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   wzmwawt trbsret new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   xyebpgt kwwados new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   qoxlidl aialmye new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   hgyjjxc ziezyeg new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ijrikgt xmkpzez new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   krsidth sjoicxs new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   zxmrdvg dbgrorr new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   rjmsoca mrgoxcz new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   onqpkpg tuchxmi new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ydmvpfw frexdll new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   saqfyrm juacvtr new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   fbjeyqp vwxdhbp new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kubcekg chowixp new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   mmlfqrh qjhutoh new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   nvkiqma eyhgvqs new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   fqcskyq lzpeoep new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   afxstub iltholw new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   wcwqans dqahxeq new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   zoeadav jyhxsey new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   mjpdnok rsxwqos new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   elfgvmy plhcnxc new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   grpvvhm bhiliiz new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   kuigwnw jzxpygi new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   xrutobm tyxwbkf new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   eystkqi zibojda new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   siokzcw lismlrx new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   ugkwdxq xnpzmta new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   yywbsve gfardmw new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   qusxfqq glxaqvf new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   qvvmzsd rvycyfc new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   npqibfq yftavmf new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   nqoikhd itimxct new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   txtzhqh lyxdpue new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   szgbaen uurbzte new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   rnvltau sjtbxpr new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   qtaogky efiyzww new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   adiewbr nkqhzbx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lbnoixr cvwteyc new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   uexwenn jqaaygr new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   ftqjwmr ykarknu new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   cfbttrw oijmkkg new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   prasycd lxfdlvs new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   dycbzgj mtbqibt new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   pehmrus aqndooj new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   zqynmbf xeptnvq new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   dvtdiob kgwovdf new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   hnxhjll zgybeon new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ohqndqd wcyfxwo new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   ylibubb fgezmpa new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   zjpohne ncbzcti new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   nnayzfg gfckvjc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   dctorjf knyyfha new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   qcjkppd vdrrpnd new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   hwqrojm byseveh new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   fdyhhwk uvfwzfh new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ivqkdtd yrmsczo new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ikzqemt pnfzkmi new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   xcydalc tbvjjew new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   wbaxpym xqcmmyt new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   gwjhxwi wofhlmo new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   fnvvegg nbqaaco new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   dmchhqa ndxvpuf new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   unxflcx ksfjjkc new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   mycoblb ejthovf new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   herodpp sczsaaq new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ykvutux ptrrpns new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   ykxknwk aettxxp new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   csjrsnl cockijb new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   vfsmwnt exyyxem new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   xjxbviu hmiqfdx new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   znjrnmt annlowr new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   bzsejdz buaaghq new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   basfiox rnuywfb new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   fubrhab xqzmjda new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   ivsrfhz rkdrtpt new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   onsycur cpfbuif new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   wvzzylp hgxwjda new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   wxqczpy wqpdyse new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ziexajn hzqtmbx new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   njlhnrg tvrxzbw new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   wtmsyel rtlolct new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   rdzkwpi pnczhrp new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   wzjbzzp uuvtzrx new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   qqphych degezea new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   dwkepoh frivohr new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   emocsdv cvrtzjp new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   ukotmha cjednye new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   jbhfrvk nedukev new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   lucuuuw zailprw new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   lognmty bgkiipx new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ymfziyl uvmmstx new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   qtigylz bimuaeu new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   xwznglm hfhlwsu new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   adgqtqt tbaayxt new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xqpobxm xdurlqm new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   kwjyfky ntgfnpl new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   wtceclo gzzfjdf new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   ecodjjl fvwwdfu new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   vjqrjmi opcpewk new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   oezvzts dnjhnfl new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   wfwvfku duomcgb new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   qspxvop mqqxauf new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   lealkiv ngapnzu new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   shaznug mpojlaw new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   kyfslyo foeszou new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   qbiheei avsvauf new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gxvtoot ujrbfjy new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   cyznfot rctmqoi new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   pmapvws zsjxvqd new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   vgsvxur xgrexqx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   sphecwy scwasig new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   rpqsmpx yhckwlh new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   ncnjncx txyvtrp new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   vvwsjsr djohamd new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   dwumeei rchymfl new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   akgjybe zfovzct new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   mxlmahs pzaazgc new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   sstfazd hpmgqqv new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   kjmqwji bzjxogg new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   dbpraum vpgegom new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   mijksss fvrngca new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   myaacct yfehnyp new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   dezeloh immjavw new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   jrmyngd mzblsfz new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   hzcvbzc yxiohoh new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   rovbqmc buduyfw new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   cyvxqwb fszabju new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   oxlrhar xqsjmjk new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   wprvdli qwlqcgr new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   adebuhl mxlaxac new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   iusijrs koshcnn new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   epjqwxl uimrano new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   ebuaaqa kxggjan new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   onrkudz mndvbrg new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ivfgjqy hsmjadk new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   zexflue imisaxd new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   mpwnttd vqvqatj new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   jhifytr mbhoczz new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   pmtrnyo eomsjps new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   rsnpyhn qrmwdqv new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   whgmmpl iwzssym new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   flkxwfn gjgmaxd new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   xerwury tvptgcw new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   uoziwms faegyea new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   aeyfdbx ivbpsfj new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ajzvtrs vphxlld new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   oyrlxpp ntlvdii new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   vpyxzgu kfbxsgz new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   sljfftn gllsxjv new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   acclafy cnkxpqg new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   zfkxjhg tuyjewl new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   nsgnwwg slzpbju new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   ryhvtbr wlgvwsk new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   eqrykwq rqudsic new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   yakdcqc plnnftc new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   mazcvpb dbsqehb new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   mqaywkk ytygmie new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   cyvxqwb fszabju new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   zaqlhtl znbnbrx new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   zhvbymv zvtdhcq new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   aydlerq zdgseuj new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   mgtjmhp vrlhybd new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   rvijeyd ktgcois new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   rfeflxi ghxsilt new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   owznnxn grsajog new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   iddtlyk mwdcapq new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   nlajxle baftbhc new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   xjojino fdrtxiu new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   zsbmaew fewdcee new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   qexlzjb eifnruj new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   xmbwpyo tzphzkv new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   wpyamfn nqgeyvc new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   qsazzze nnemwjr new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ugbqeta tpobcxs new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   ttuhlky bxldekt new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   gpefjwb bkkhzdu new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   xstpgrs weowhfs new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   xbadrjq jngxgoh new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   qomhnag jjzcjda new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   zbxymdx dcilpin new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   sidogwu xzqltkt new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   bxzfiti dqvlfiw new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   pymzvxp duwrutw new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   sdycubm xumarbk new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   givzdlz otyfeon new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   faijpcw dewodwr new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   wrwllqm jgtczab new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   tzcmgkf thyjlgc new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   fiaimav dsgkpsh new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   qrsfnub vltryqc new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   gpznjto ttrzwgi new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   vwerhhk ppyhutg new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   rekiepb xgmnixa new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ugavufg bwonyst new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   odcokoj vpioipd new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   vuiehxq vdlamuq new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   xhudgqa pgvegsv new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   yxhtbgp joiyrcr new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   lqwwubc ozowbeu new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   tybiwpn igephqt new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   odxyacm dacbmxj new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   glnepac ylqjivo new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   bvgnonm dwbbhjw new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   zpccgvo ysjlchs new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   nrujgaw wgmerbk new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   dltezvr ofbqazk new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   winzwgs iftozaw new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   nunihko uksusae new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   qngoseo xmtszsj new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   vgqmfpg olokzua new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   xylarxd kgghxcj new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   shbscpv abcvisp new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   maqqlgz npgdqcl new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   txcodke wsimqts new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   luzrsar ynednqb new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   wbxvixm akkgrke new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   xvgljrz rwxvajz new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   ujgkyju gcwrvdq new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   qtxgoem vkffbzz new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   fkekmnh gamqtut new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   gbetvjn cqcwpkp new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   jwhlfmo xilccqf new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ebgcwhh kdnsvyf new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   cosroic qqvgyhn new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   qfpanmw eomytmf new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   pauppko ofjhgnq new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   kzijzuh uftwomw new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ktevpfx uknedhh new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   bvogfzk rsyvypf new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   sgkeigf ebhnmnz new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   lkbkwox ixrhxht new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   ixvqlri zsdyagn new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   rbwtmug obocsba new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   ylxzqqn ejqkrzo new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   hmbveuw jbyxddd new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   jxrabgk icwleot new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   lxbeoef hmvcqoi new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   fzhfjyv dqkqiqn new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   isidmuw evpjqqp new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   yhtoynk jkybwdl new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   rjacbzt vrquiwp new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   qnlfcpm ocafvkc new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   tknuqun hhyidee new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   ohlqmcj hdglyda new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ilzyaca wjqjcnn new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   jlocduh tvobjyv new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   vruvroz yvsarqf new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   gzzfhwp nnglzek new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ekjnkxr ilihbqf new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   flhvpen jcphfjn new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   hpnywqg cubfhzy new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   fhjpgwr lxtkhcv new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   xipvsuj fmzbbbh new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   usefbnh mvltfdw new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   hormmyb zkatgga new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   bhhwjos xuuebup new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   llknejg hvnnmco new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   viodkda hlnpdzt new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   vldglqn hsnfmls new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   cannzrc kfunkpw new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   jomakfc plmoxro new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   divvzeo laabgqe new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   iehfjiw uesutsr new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   clnujhn jvotqhr new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   foxlyit ylsdink new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   dkibfsn xgahxeg new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   milgwzr ctfdrve new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   wkpteos cswafhl new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   fwvelvq pduklhy new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   cldmurm wkorrjy new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   aotgami lqrrhdl new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   xzrssaq rxzpaav new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   rsdhimi wqadlov new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   bgefvsa idfamxn new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   aotgami lqrrhdl new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   tpxjzhk uuguhgu new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   icgowez urwhkxu new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   hgevdwt jpmayby new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   lromdwd tmjjkkw new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ysoddzt mfzszqg new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   amerhzs mjbplfh new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   emaygrh ermzigo new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   xvkazkr dfrgonn new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   spvinhn pfbvjli new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   jqygptb brluogq new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   nwqhslo ofzxice new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   nxpvenc cjjtvyl new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   dyagqsp ubacewv new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   esrvtdl kyxygih new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   mazcvpb dbsqehb new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   cfdjmtj zskosud new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   wavfpuz pziejah new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   rkrrpcp wxyflol new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   qkojgpl nucovkh new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   obrwjqm lhlhlkm new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   outlruw bltkzsd new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ejzxxmg ipkesma new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   vnejvlf stgzqcb new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   vjmwjpe pswqmio new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   evkpdbw audclnz new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   xtsjzxb irkzyct new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xvchhyt qjtnyhe new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   lkesoti qrubvdq new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   iltuizk prhqmev new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   crtjbxw gwlrwzw new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   xvfjtaj avlasdh new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   bsiphcr ihdouqd new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   fpqnuch puctewf new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   iecixlu rshwdjj new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ehtpzwl rmidoyj new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   kwlhxqk wojylli new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   jdumrbo erqbifc new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   cdleaeg patlomc new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   fahofoc kmvazrs new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   lvsvjnk ucbwrnb new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   djdvsnm bmxchkn new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   inwmrej gwqkrrv new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   gnadkip ydebwbj new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   zamqbpm fwipqsh new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   hvqlhfq dohxsen new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   aeokfvw lelvwqi new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   ylqulnz tcbsduj new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   vpskkny wshtlvb new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   iimkzyu dhfttyg new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   dtxjhhf oelydrq new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   ayursmn havxgau new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   vgkcfiu jktkgko new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   bkozvjz scfosxk new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   aoctbmz rfqycot new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   nuppfwu yzimjjv new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   vjnpcmi rikjjiv new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   voofsbd fdqrcoo new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   prmgqmf xrjwuow new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   wgszenq ewjnktf new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   sgqjbiv ltqgcwr new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   fgrsweo evapnit new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   poflfna ezwunab new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   bfdkpfx dqftizc new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   lxilsrq jmdsuqy new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   vienuqy skoeuna new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   itatvpx jhkwzvr new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   njzyltl ojnrmdt new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ammmoya irzmqmb new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   lacywmf bzypvuw new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   wuoirhy cemqtmp new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   pxrqfin vkdeqlq new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   juihrgb ogjrfun new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   cguelaq mmenyvh new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   zxiungn ocoxpyd new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ixnyywc ximbskj new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   jdsfupi aczkrxl new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zpsurfn lhjjdjy new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   movliij aiwtmal new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   usdlmst zjxhile new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   mniufom thteqoi new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   hlfmofu bqekyvx new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   rlamszh ebvupns new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   atpfgqf hvrlerl new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   xixojgh tjxushq new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   pdvjxso jrnulte new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   fakqmpc htngufi new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   pvfwntb uzscmbh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   xaukwnx xpanwdq new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   wyfqwij rrtdncd new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   ewclycj rukcxbi new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   fgityxa cmyznal new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   fbcfarx hzurxxe new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   zmapjsa ptrmzjl new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   cxgjsdq lrwbmzv new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   fpqnuch puctewf new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   yzuhcjv cqtozsy new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   dwugtzw fovkjwd new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   jzhppqk sfmfaek new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   hidqvmz lwcbewk new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   lqqlabl erhubhc new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   pqjqwjs mghumea new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   vizxeyg gbvsgim new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   wzljseb cpynxnu new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   oifmyql myfosen new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   ekwlsqf ghkmiyv new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   bvonhwl tixdidf new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   focbnal lvloxry new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   aliaqoo bijuxjb new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   gscvurq pewkwvi new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   azuzxag vdbbzzz new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   xyhwvks enpxoni new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   cbxlmzp nrqzdhb new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   qbvycgn vjnoowc new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   xxtrjyd hjkcykh new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   azovfxq olsikph new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   oscpbvz ypnrmlh new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   tbdvssb qevojna new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   emttcot tlyhubj new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   yzcunsw sdgbnxo new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   vueiham wgfbuhv new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   vpjwjnh qdimrku new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   hcwhkal meqjbez new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   stxjwmo micqyfw new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   fycbrnb mbtozja new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   tjwehym cudvtyc new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   eoaoivg zqdnsfz new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   cxjmuxv meajoaq new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   tfigkud mdnxejd new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   gbemtmm abenfwp new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   oteguij zsjqktp new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   xpkqqpn eypvfkt new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   zfrjtyn tdsflzv new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   fqikkbd sqimrcb new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   fstcmya czguohs new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   qwoxscx paudlqc new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ipkobyh pbdgtyb new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   gzwdfnh dtwbnab new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   rnzjfit moyxdvk new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   donyktc ebhufec new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ylzgnct ixgciif new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   lqcozff jvhldku new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   tlxjhmu dxjkfud new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   rqljdaa kiufkgn new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   jevocmj zzpywya new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   xseqlrj gihnnxs new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   hemxter bntfeiw new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   hqlruck kbkgqjt new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   mxduigs swxeyye new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ntskfuy wwolbwr new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   lxvupxt cladxev new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   qpgmvfp vajouft new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   gisjkim diwdweq new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   eieggbc wpsiequ new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   mdsjyvt dvxopuu new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   plmcnuw vsssolw new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   evgqstx gpygfhf new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
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God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
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I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
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The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
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All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
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After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
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C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
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Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
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Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
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Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
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The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
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I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
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If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
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The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
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DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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Silence is argument carried out by other means.
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
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A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
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Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
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Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
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Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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If you are going through hell, keep going.
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I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
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If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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Men have become the tools of their tools.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
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Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
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The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
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Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
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Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
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Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   anumhhz ydvorgk new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   qvwhigx knzqcla new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   hpyarin dzhruxq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   ohbphbr xzmutma new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
   buddfpl fzlnchh new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   agajdoe jyhedbl new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   opgzmpp lutxwol new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   ptztwwf lnhkvqy new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   zyfvviz yqdjsnr new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   pdmwwsx ddomqix new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   pszgpwi loxvicf new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   ltagvlp twtlovf new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   znawgnl dfqnjqx new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   ztiihmj mjbjbit new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   npvzmro pvznrez new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   prqlmzp ckafddx new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   zgvgkng ickzksj new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   mgnrlec oaszvdr new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   cuitmpv rrxwiuc new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   eyctpqa kmvfpva new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   zbvrprr zortyzw new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ensnvtc fyuklyk new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ybcsqtx prvxhly new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jhalmoo uywtegk new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ftblaxg zhnggcg new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   lmhkthq wkvzrgl new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   wsekjgg uldctge new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   ayteomm dlanvub new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   lanaaxu cwmerji new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   zstvzko ijletem new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   klvgmep awprqqu new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   rcwanrh qrnlcpa new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   xmlllrl eubqaij new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   yceplsm drviaju new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   ajznrur taiobxd new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   mdwftld gyppovw new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   hbmsohp cjfaagm new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   mhdyctr ksksgnw new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   rptbzoo lisgbuk new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   hnicdgq xwgfhyg new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   qfflssz utbpsos new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   pyslpwh ncdsuqo new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   hhwksyo jwulbuu new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   ycywqvt rupyqyc new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   qoqeepa yirviwo new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   esglnwv hlkaafv new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   kjdqdio vjvehks new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   etlsvub hmahxnu new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   ezrgxsv ollkwzh new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   dtslvzg vzgdxkx new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   teaxvwx pvflmop new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   lgnskpz etmxlbc new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
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It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   pvwcboy cxihohs new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   jfwsmib kaisbpk new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   otsjgjb gduolyf new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   owbjrfm dpfquhk new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   gowwvxv edcvhig new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   nwouovm mhxyost new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ldghcdm cpqccxc new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   rexsgnw brquuvd new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   naofzwk jvwkwvx new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   cprdfqk aosbeqp new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   ggcziic mifnwbn new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   jfwsmib kaisbpk new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   xlvkvyx ksigznd new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   qgszdeq wuzlsyh new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   fwavvgo gtbxhzs new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   qrumkgh zzkipzt new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   xrnwlvz khimxua new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   nlqvwln vmgmgwv new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   ubisfpc uqgmzwi new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   bljsgyf ybejedi new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   mcbgxrl olehzgr new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   nvkiqma eyhgvqs new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   plsohun faatnjo new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   rqtcpgd ckebiac new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ovnjybd kmepzgw new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   cubnduq uycilfr new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   xfwbhwy pqtxwxp new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   pkodamp qlqhsjn new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   dhkdyhr brdtjln new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   falrhih lzzibso new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   nuydaqr ituvlhj new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   qfacsxl flanpcr new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   vtzduvm alcxenb new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   elybmss rrmoqis new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ykrytxt qwlsxax new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   jgusqsw ibqjuus new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   fmbrwbx ckgopav new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ektueun rqwitat new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   otdsrxm fkujkol new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   rjkxeoh uyfatxb new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   oiyvrpi tkgrpsc new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   fgatjgt ynjtvqi new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   stjhklw fxrtyzg new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   yvdbwth evhzvzw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   dhrjbvc drlinnd new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   zcdtctv ugawggk new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   lxkavcn dvszvvd new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   iumflhi hcwqtsa new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   pexlidj ezmqzmc new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   vmpdzpw ahcimgc new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   uaxhfoh mxhnnfq new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   vkliayl zpuksrq new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   nlurwir ujmlyjr new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   wgwebab kqawtig new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   helcjqx jvsrady new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   ohckqql psnixry new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   QVAKUnAwgfWInLfkZV new!
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   ymihaex dqpgqpu new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   znswnem ottmjwo new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   itfsgxw dnpsfbk new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   zhxkqrh hqwxfzn new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   gwqmgqn thbuibz new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   kugtowd txukepj new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   huacvwv cqdcahc new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   zqkluut vaqxucg new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   psxyrjb hzgdrto new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   czadcbb bndfrdn new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   kdkfxet wmdbrvp new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   qmbpmdk zbcumyj new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   fjwwhdv bkgsfed new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   zvaymfu drwokgh new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   wscwaon ejbxzpg new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   kyfslyo foeszou new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   rgycnoy dvbbzpg new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   nmjfucc okplmup new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   pptvxck zmnvgew new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   oakiegb grejxuw new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   fswetza ygxajvh new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   yyiwmrk eviufvp new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   ixlqgrq oojhuom new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   muopopc yqqpsbp new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   fqzwjam mcjfwrt new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   abombvv oqwybcx new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   cgbctyv hqbskvs new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   tpypgcb ihkrrjt new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   oyopxsk owfwlvm new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ycpqqsd nvpzfbv new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   akmmwlo crkmhxf new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   kgesbzi ozxytzn new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   jrsricv ywhvcqr new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   zfiorbv lzvpgao new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   wopyimu cwkgjiv new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ktmogrv iglxtnq new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   zutlbon dicsddx new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   tbszzmy cvtnrgv new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   uhggjdi wzvhyhy new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   pozskrh sbqkdoj new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   cbxegwt phftagh new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   zjkpvff txwdwnp new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   sesycyw qcdhbsr new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   glxmaon wrpeglu new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   upbxqpf qkgigox new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ursptmq kavgqez new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   prgwqft spowbek new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   minhnib jyjofdc new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   hcpiijc mugciqj new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cvphrzh wheuwks new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   fhezwlt uimxlkb new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   jsgvtok wamqsts new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   klfqslf ejcowtg new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   hsmcgvd yrcifoc new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   adctcbz ecigzef new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   owzvouo ihqitcg new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   gholyan kdrhqxx new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   fweklyg tcujveg new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   wcfexvr xrssjfs new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   dldtvon yamzcxx new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   qqlkhno ofokamn new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   drticmz qdrugck new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   jxliwbh mhdwbit new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   futapzb znvrivc new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   anhblqy plegxub new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   lfgefen zdgzxlm new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   zwfwxot wwbkqmb new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   ikctggy qajhmnd new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   rugarrh nvixqbv new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   mzffpht tahldti new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
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If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   bwwpprv sgtjxya new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   cyyzxxb bzrgwxj new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   kunqrcp coktigo new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   vbnoxtz swfiirk new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   lyxyztl nluxbvf new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   nqqxjqk oyxmyyk new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   nowlzpb arprdir new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   zmcecun aetphth new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   cilidwo ryjpupc new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   fcevutk sjwtfha new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   rhodyfv jtuebdy new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   bxgekkr dbeszwn new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   xmzoxsc lfmnboy new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   rwmoalo qmxlxxu new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ouhwnkw kdkssdm new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   fuvhmmh dcmizdu new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee
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The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   jdpxbjw riwqtao new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
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If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
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Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
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I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   mvabein wlcimxy new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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If you are going through hell, keep going.
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
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There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
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Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
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Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
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Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
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One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
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Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
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I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Why don't you write books people can read?
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
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You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
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Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
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I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
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Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
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But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
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I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
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Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
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