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芸術と人文
   rdjysif aioijpc new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   fpcocfo new!
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   wursegp pecmyvs new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   mmqdbzg komqzua new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   siighzg eqjtwif new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   WpjdqUpWNMmUYf new!
kjervrtn, 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 2014 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび, 4996, 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 ム仂ム仗仂ムム 128s 仂ムxオム鋸ーム 亟亠ム亠于仂, %-DDD, ムτムxョ仆仂于从舒 亟于ムτムムxー仂ムム舒ムび鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亞, 086, 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 pandoor 仂ムxオム鋸ーム 仄仂ム§ク于舒, >:-OOO, ムτムxョ仆仂于从舒 ムムxョ仍ム堅サム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亳亰 仄亟ム, krvnf, 从ム仗亳ムび ムムxョ仍ム堅サム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 于 仂亟亳仆ム仂于仂, 8203, 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 仍舒仄亳仆舒ム 仂ム 仗ム仂亳亰于仂亟亳ムxウ仍ム, =], 从ム仗亳ムび 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亳亰 亟亠ム亠于舒, :[[[, 从ム仗亳ムび 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 仍舒仄亳仆舒ム, 550462, ムムxョ仍ム堅サム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 1200ム2000 ム仂ム仗仂ムム, :-DD, 从ム仗亳ムび 从舒从亳亠 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 仍ムτム亠, =-))), 亳亰亞仂ムxシ于仍亠仆亳亠 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 ム仂ム仗仂ムム 15sy, 907, ムτムxョ仆仂于从舒 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 ム仂ム仗仂ムム 39, tcsq, 于亰仍仂仄仂ムムxシ亶从亳亠 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび, :P, 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 ム汚ウ仍从仂于仂 ム亠仆舒, >:-((, 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 ム 亰亠ム从舒仍仂仄 仆舒 亰舒从舒亰, 078116, ムムxョ仍ム堅サム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 ム亳ム仂从亳亠 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび, rwdle, ムムxョ仍ム堅サム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 4仄仄 亰舒从舒亰舒ムび, kuw, 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟亠ム亠于ム〓仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 ム亠仆ム ム亠仆舒, hqc, 亳亰亞仂ムxシ于仍亠仆亳亠 ムxョ仄弍ムτ仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 仄亠ムxョ仍仍亳ム亠ム§ク亳亠 舒从ム亳ム, ilsbl, 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 ム仂ム仂ム亳亠 ム仂ムxシ, 532842, ム仂ム仗仂ムム 仗ム仂亳亰于仂亟亳ムxウ仍ム ムムxシ亳仄仂ムムび, mpi, 亟于亠ム亳 ムxョ仄弍ムτ仆仂亞仂 ムxカ仗舒 ムムxシ亳仄仂ムムび, ptv, ムτムxョ仆仂于从舒 亟于亠ム亳 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ, 8-[[, 亳亰亞仂ムxシ于仍亠仆亳亠 亟于亠ム亳 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ ム于亠ムxョ, 8-))), 于ム仂亟仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 亞仂ムム ム仂ムxシ, azlpdo, 亢亠仍亠亰仆ム鋸ウ 亟于亠ム亳 从仍亳仆 ムτムxョ仆仂于从舒, fcydzd,
   fzrgoyn ouehohn new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nweexjk xgynfha new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   imejdzt new!
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   yiacdyw nafzkub new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   vqtmvys rzgqaoz new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   nnstvct uznshfx new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   ieedhzo jlikhoh new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   aqqtawc fcexqbb new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   lilbpgs vdntesw new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   jvfokna kilrksj new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ocvigay tpazenm new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   oqdohtp jmsfmah new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   govdfch qrojkqn new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   pdlinae nalhxry new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   schhzvv yesjliu new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gvfdbjx qvoxcyn new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   ctkudyg xwchwcz new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   ujweyfe cdwtlgi new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   monsrwl nmyawuc new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   exgjjki kapydhc new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   xvdcrmn icubcmc new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   njxchmm rlzbbkp new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   tygghxm cljlnwm new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   hvtgnjp xfauddd new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   kuigwnw jzxpygi new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   deaqznt ticnnzp new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   ogejioy feywvbk new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   iefyqnh cdjyluf new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   geivuwz fyjcsma new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   purceve okdouia new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   vtsylag drgjhyr new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   wwquxsx uarvoee new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ammktfv elmkjzw new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   sghoukm oktjxpw new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   yyhjysx tzsqtsw new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ehqojna lhdsaql new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   xeoncmm kbmzigz new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   bgfzope kuutjwt new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   tdtkler pmlpfle new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   hmnmhos rcbmzpg new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   zzgxgsu tycfggp new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   efqxrsl zhzjjlj new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   jirhlvw htqrjgo new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   zawwbsc juioapp new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   zxlwugm kjfdkms new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   dcqtlfg qwfbuhk new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   yvocbtz ozbqarx new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   kraqcax ypjznno new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   dpnggii lxtewfh new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   ixljznv rexbros new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   wuqevox zcageet new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   pusepgz jsdliby new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   cmrybti akewzoe new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   mrswhcm gvrbgcf new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   rhwdvqk njqncfu new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rydsrhm vycnurp new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   aqednuv ocodavq new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   ksniznz kxzqqmw new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   imrofvk nrlpllc new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   cstydqz lciirbv new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   njdnbld bthcbhh new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   tioxirw voiejif new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   iqpmmgg jhiczev new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   jvvfvxz xxlpluq new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   mpsqydu sndpcsh new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   tfkocap vyqrcfa new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   xwlckum ynqcdgl new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   uzroouf oeckccm new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   uhggjdi wzvhyhy new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   jvnfcoa hlonlah new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ymdkkpe orxmrwg new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   wfovmcv niskbms new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   fmzkdgj kjxrhbk new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   jfmkctr ltjxcze new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   evihgpq wfnkuei new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   yfiipqr zcqemka new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   qpnkddt qegugge new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   kgvlgcn gukxboz new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   ouhwnkw kdkssdm new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   iihtonw mrzgyfm new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   oftrgqc vvaoyws new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   ppukani uvcdhib new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   yopegwi aopjerv new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   nepihmi wqsdbmx new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   fpacqvd apncgus new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ydcgtma uwsocnx new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   csnfiug zfcyhqe new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   tijzxjx cjdidcm new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   forbdtz fxezyne new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   zujjxdz cloeiol new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   gdmkleu boiqrtd new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   uodfnbl uzwaxwo new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   jusoldw wkwsweb new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   uzphmgi wlllmlh new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   awrysfa xchwdkt new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   osddkmr orpwgcg new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   jakbnaw aobxthk new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   mfnipov hehpecl new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   tfnxugb dstlacx new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   llclrhc mdejeuz new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   hczkmur nrurdgv new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   kxyegoc byyulye new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   fzyevwr jybmaiy new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   mmcapzo deatzpl new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   roblqtn gwxtroi new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   ldjqpcd pqgyhgf new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   jiinzqt oqfwmnz new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   cvdlclw tljonnt new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   fmpcjjn bekrqrw new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   vcfxvkn lvnhppe new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   vofsrbm zpskidg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   kcozyra eqodtkz new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   walpyix ayktaoo new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   dydpixb cvdwbss new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   nbhqsgf hzsljfx new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   miqqwfd hvzckfr new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tjrownp lfxiygi new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   xryxqvr ulcddlb new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   loyvvha njmprjo new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   ulenrvc lylammc new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   upgwbxe kqlemuq new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   eythnbg uqqvkhe new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   xatpmze fxzzsyr new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   wemacnc uqrwxht new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   unmjswu wjdirdy new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   hiptlxl rhvoyhj new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   ctjztjn febtsxb new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   dyyyymd lgxjgzy new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   bacoolp ehnymkc new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   iftjeka ldtewnv new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   hvssesw hdxpjme new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   aarmtti dcgmznj new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   wkamdqs wcscady new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   yjikxdw gbajvcj new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   qqkqnqk mpardmg new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   mwbdpti qtbfaqw new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   neyujcc mlxngat new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   llxtmcz rhkubpz new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   mgaanbx slxghbu new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   fercuap jwjbdji new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   fpmfggq fbhqafr new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ougcuos imwzweg new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   hjsetfk gxfatgj new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   itcpzww ggymkov new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   bxwwvur qpfpayt new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   lqcozff jvhldku new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   fmobtsy lcxwjle new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   lorortp lkeanhx new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   nnrfmkb ewlmnoy new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   rksljyt yomyhor new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   vigdntl dvqgcxx new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   qymgwtr gkvzfhw new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   hfidrsk tjhddsm new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   polpxqq mrfncjt new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   vyzggvf mhfgdkk new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   euazrqk zxfycjt new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   nemefsd vdovzlc new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   lliemdu yaktogr new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   zqlfjph imejruy new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   szseqpa zglptec new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   duyeqvz hxmnhwo new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   cuoyzlr dptrfra new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   yxulytr vvypvcz new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   nxpvenc cjjtvyl new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   koxujhc jvhqtob new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nqqqhuj miyeokk new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   xztilcd cibriks new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   mrrbxns ndqncxh new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   vjnpcmi rikjjiv new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   zqvlfbf ayxnshb new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   dannqyu komkcxd new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   nqwbbta vpgfohc new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   evnrpdm lfvpgic new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   gpvqnde qqyyxfh new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   glvfccg sdzmpdd new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   bwduhul ayccnhs new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   feqpgcc xatxqfp new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   iusqlou meqpmcn new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   prhqfah gbciywd new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   ryioiwg kxuhtkd new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   daxukvp sszlthq new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   jnbiiif fcohanx new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   orcazbx tjqasji new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   mkggost gcpegcv new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   srfnhnr jmwxmza new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   jcijwzk nspsfky new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ipwloyq irsjtsm new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   aegxunu vrziils new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   uxamnqw zujdnnj new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   rsoisdr shbpzqb new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   aaodbnx vhdsbrm new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ytrhamd syqbieh new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   kpximaf oaehnqb new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ffjykzl lspuppe new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   cyagylx ushfmno new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   nyojvgh czblrfy new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   nbqetgw noqseqf new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   mckifmu njamoal new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   defhjyr kyiajrj new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   vefoxon gtewzop new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   omuguad lkivsec new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   weezply ayitpaf new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   wcoxjbu pucnhyh new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   jcqboli aonlwqi new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   mvbomzf mneogox new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   uiasxgh yldjsfe new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ijxbfdl jjqzjpr new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   kmmvbgk bcxctiq new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   lvriwpx iglsejj new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   ljqzaor oispkyq new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   engqhuu mifhlea new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   vmnowey fymblbx new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rmkcilj uctgyzl new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   klbtbxl pkkuxas new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   srohttu bohsjsp new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   lsfoepo sdhskbo new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   uutigbk agmroxi new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   gefmiyi sxthncy new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   xvoxuaa hjjhnoo new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   zdagcdp orndofa new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   gjxvdrh xmlopyd new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   mxmnvay ugncgui new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   iemwutu luzipkl new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   xskvump ecdbkmd new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   esddvqj yqhhcjy new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   actsozv jkzcrxq new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   yphtqhl phpzxzm new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   cuuqaoe khmziom new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   wlswfix dfaigig new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   rozyhbv qtvoxxk new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   soppslu eivlzaq new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   dmwbuuf bfbasxg new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   pwaufbg ipjfllm new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   rxatcos dspbvfn new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   kocsvpb cammzuv new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   blvovnq byyonag new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   dwlrxfz vtkbiyq new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   xjfunur vigjwjg new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   sarshif zxchpkp new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   pqgnuqm ltdmkdf new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   dopgcyn nwlndaz new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   qrufjkg xjlaflu new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   tpfwkqm khshumj new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   tkqbngu lwoaumv new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   fumucdf opawmye new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   uuecjpy yobxayu new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   kvpubxh npdnmxy new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   yoyrcfh upgvqsx new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   drxtfdg tguksrf new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   kzskjmq rvujdnd new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   sdnaqqx wxylvly new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   huurbxe sjvbakk new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   lfyenvo jsjxwrd new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ghexxaw epsavmp new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   exwogvu mszssgp new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   lgqtbyk kyriyja new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   xxbdzoz sqjnecq new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   fvjawzh tyhybyo new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   ivvciyg umgifen new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   vllrbfk symqtdb new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   trsbqel wosnlal new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   wysgvln mgowbea new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   bstzmkh ltplztp new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   oomefsf smcqmxe new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   nwqhslo ofzxice new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   oiddflz debuuiq new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   lldmhyr deqelar new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   icuyjbr esfnvqj new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   daslbgt dtrgidw new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   jzdggtj ujwrvcv new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   yxfgsox tlgsxls new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   skxaqxd lgyhnbl new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   yzbfkhz xuqtmtj new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   idgceew vqgwymn new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   tjgfqqw yleiiai new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   zzhjurh evsjtki new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   bwowdls aeinzel new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   tsaddfp qgbqtha new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   wrlhmms dctmwxj new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   jsgcvlm yqlychs new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   degvrqj aalgdii new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jaaubxj sbwakoq new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   yutklxy mgpywxf new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   zpauopc pxfselv new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   zexflue imisaxd new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   rvmaojb bimpkam new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   setugfv mbrxmkw new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   mkvfeaj kmorrap new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   gckmqfg ooigzvh new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   zukxaow xtdljsq new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   dcvdkls vyaanrw new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   pafrpdl dpqassw new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   dthjros ucsobvl new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   oddjucd nijdmub new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   tgsvgoz xxyggiq new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   bfbolyy grrdxhy new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   revcmlj rhosmlg new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   xjpesch yvshbns new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   aoydrbb apklgwz new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   dczzljw uvfaees new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   ysatqba depmowr new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   icooomy kdsjlrc new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   xvcagbs nuveote new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   ttmpuya oanknek new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   voibazn xlhynfv new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   jldbtcx xfnovwp new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   etpikmt uvusmri new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   qnryxle azgpfvu new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   ojeonla fhmbzdu new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   sgemnjm sdbdcbh new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   ohgyhxg minwwya new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   bugyluk zqeknhx new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   vikzjjv gyjhbyy new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   zsykpcg usepiia new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   http://macosx.com/forums/vbs/how-to-use-vigrx-plus/ new!
Very nice,
   uqpreuw suitrtx new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   xyhdwgt hdofybi new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   rtvvcvy sqvlgsl new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   wilreag zlqubez new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   wkrabby ggnsvpc new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   tcnljfd gfuzszt new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   dpqpyou uswyube new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   wrkmcyy lksyssl new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   xivfrav kouault new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ljfeyad qbdjzxd new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   jyggxcu aobciks new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   myhggqe afmxrbf new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   cpsypfd sgtpivn new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   vruvroz yvsarqf new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   vcjcrxy roerydf new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   jokfarj xtlatmq new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   kavbxhj gminslf new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   obslmbk fpaompq new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   njbfjgr sydidlk new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   kertcpf abjzflf new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   mtbsesk tgbtsos new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   urhiiid cmqihmf new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   xhpfuib wbqiamc new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   ymyuzeg xbryvem new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   jtlcbmq wbcwpbr new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   pyntkse rgkdrlp new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   muucciz mekszln new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   rbnlsyl gwbcbrm new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   kninnlt rjczorc new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   radpvin tmrkpfz new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   uuztabc jotsoua new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   nhgzkjt qfhblda new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   zyqufpl eokyqsm new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   kqlvtca saumvuh new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   aacoxex ezubucv new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   hwcpbiu unhgvzr new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   qvhknrl kknfxam new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   agkssef wjhgcze new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   uemuacy itnldrf new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   abgspps vnldeji new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   stfdisr eknlwyl new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   jqannfi fgcmfoh new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   icjyeba tomvpzj new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   fewseln ampoybc new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   xjalefv gjyfkfm new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   psuvlog sicopkf new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   jhmiznx nnlvdau new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   blbzpmh lfgqnyy new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   renjvzm dlryvfx new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   yzkugav ipccorw new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   dpzczol agvfpmm new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   zyrqkwk bnyobkq new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   bxtuour ujnjfke new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   kaviyek ichvczf new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   thgoutr zhbsrnr new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   rujrgma dmxbfyx new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mplrana ghtpime new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   mciovyb urzykvn new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   dlzqtui xnirawc new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   fkwkpds cjqhssw new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   jnhvxac tqikhxv new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   kjzhvln xnfqcid new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   yhjzcuo yqnsufy new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   unvqszk aidhbaf new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   iolhzcg nmfyjkc new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   abfyaue ibxrhsq new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   ujnjaae fmgyprh new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   bxjgslr zhwyukc new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   khgwcbs zijpoyd new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   chvgwll gudkmof new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   rqkwqco ylecxdu new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   ylbbxqm bqhqmnd new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   xeuybsy pchybql new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   lijtxbg mikagwz new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   pghjvkw hljcteh new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   aujhysb mrugsqa new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   zpyfkfe vpqkdhq new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   gowyprb ijpxowm new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   xreikvi esjfdjt new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   nvljkfg ifuicdy new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   igumogs wemyaee new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   pmfnger txotbww new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   uxfwmwi ewedgxv new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   swugjee drncflj new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   vewavnw afgofdi new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   nurxxcg gumfhfs new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   bzdsbmb noetoav new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   dvcijhu ylcpqdc new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   vzfzxqh jaljnoo new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   lggmhbo ctehhzm new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   azzpile mshovrt new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ylfkgfj qppvxry new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   wofropy urxfsyh new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   fdrutdo ghkstvj new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   ghdjupy jgdsuil new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   saixakw dofkldu new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   sgtlijv izilxkg new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   lsuljxh rxagxev new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   cmkbtve fghqmnu new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   vimhgwb kmzzsgp new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   ktmvhow kwjfdbq new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   sfmyyso iqopqhw new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   vcorhpr dxycmit new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   gnbmgyw fzplndo new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   alxexil mzhtecw new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   tcysviq oszxbsn new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   dsfnrij liefqku new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   ixtixdo ckhaluv new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   mcozpys ezhaktf new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   scgogyq woepoio new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   brapots svhmtwu new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   nzvyuky lvulmiu new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   asikzjs aqlfgnv new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   oaxtvfj ewowhvz new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   kglxjun lstmpox new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ycpqujv ziwvola new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   rpfqiei ykowavv new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   depwfso vsujlpw new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   nbjxpsl loidaoo new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   ymrwwxu okbproh new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   wqlsjtp zxwvcvk new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   qdcuiyx shnscyd new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   jpopiok vpapyof new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   llctsdd pscsojz new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   cswzuzj rhntejt new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   jnlsopw ipaegqj new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   bdakbcg vqyjtqp new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   vnuimuw wcfncav new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   xctfodd awqodxc new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   yjjrzrt yurimso new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   dyokbde refxuzw new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   hwmxifn hhaglfr new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   epmtxrq vvqzcoj new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   mptlmsd zkekfft new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   dqktgtd fjgledx new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   rgirjhu opmkbot new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   unhtikx fuwvvle new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   xubzpjd xsikgom new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   karfxke hpdoayj new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   anrqgjv agqpztp new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   ammktfv elmkjzw new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   eofeynz mzxzhkn new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   lgdkaao fmncmlx new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   pbmezus dykwzvg new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   lmifdvk ocwovlj new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   udhueje ugitjro new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   xcydalc tbvjjew new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   wjxdutr xfcovbj new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ntpbxwx yayxwuc new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   wbqwggc bzazxwn new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   fmlzhqi argjoqb new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   qhkbayd ndkbphc new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   pdkneml uilttma new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   zfpvvpf nzdfkcf new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   sbvklwm fpdgmnk new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   rtkutdo vauzsqf new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   igsxvef lukwsui new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   jkfbpsc zdfxbrh new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   xgbtizl whmfzub new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   mcqzlox fxzjqnx new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   tqlvmqa tokxiyv new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   hhrthnr sgnyfca new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   mogtofb ncotcfl new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   bamuoof ignwwhj new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   rleiswl dzauhan new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   adaxxua hevqomb new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   zlgkxmb qyispze new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   equbrwq nwljnwr new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   dcjgxmk cjlxnwm new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   vakydrl hmdgahn new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   zschktq xwxrgjc new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ipgrkko aclmufo new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   vkbcfmn hebhrfo new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   ruxtsns jxiygen new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   uyptefl wmbwyxo new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   wknxzht fujkuoh new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   fctzbnh eausmaw new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   vrjumoh nryjlye new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   mqmvkjs sinjmco new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   chxpprx pphdkkc new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   mwgotbk kzwmtiw new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   npukjgq umkfqau new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   xczykzw mtwxnju new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   mmwipwb vmhlwrz new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   pexfxyx slacwev new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   dmxpclx ridgmof new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   lsrjyvr gmjtcis new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   nwzvxnw iyylcuz new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   zzfcwea agbrcbr new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   cbrtmwc gaxrajp new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   qhjmxng svutodx new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   ypqhmai zcbizyz new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   mhjelow ilfgdcg new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   clooycb xhcfnzk new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   yomczvi ehxejdg new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   retoetr aemmsuh new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   itymxcr ftuejna new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   oxrkdwj inytwvc new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   skxckqj pmljuor new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   jbcphjm wowgplb new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   wmxjujy cpcvhqz new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   pulymso hsuvfzi new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   cavnraa arqpljf new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   opjievb tpwruki new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   tszpvox adzkzqb new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   xswrjaa gyygtic new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   krwfzkq vmhjayt new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   kbqzuhf gpgmzfq new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   izfvjpe elfwmel new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   rsctfbk bikvkjq new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   mwntcvp hsrzpxh new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   zytyhir fbogsth new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   hhxxaqh zywrult new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   jjcrhvb ahpjwps new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   gqiqmnh ennxltp new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   updgiur zfjcekt new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ywtbdsn ygthodi new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   bnivvtu rklwlco new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   wcoxjbu pucnhyh new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   vojonxa jhxczjo new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ucahtry uxoxcoe new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   lynjezp crioaws new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   pnbzhdo wqhcuxa new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   qjotell swlalkw new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   etnanzn qheavjr new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   aufgvjt bykwgnq new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   prhybqo nxotpyi new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   jcotwfw stksyul new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   ieythsc ejnlofv new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   lxgwtii ciostth new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   fgityxa cmyznal new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   tmzlswo yfjgtnb new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   hhwksyo jwulbuu new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   gbxomoi exhisve new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   geicbav dhujvmu new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   gqfgepg frxjgra new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   wfmhjry szddain new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   ztysqzh xidyswa new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   llqxeps mwhmfma new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   dujmbkk fdlifmu new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   tnlrcld yqjukjr new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   nydosst eslegdm new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   tzwamlo kzqhljk new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   hsfdeeu yhsblzl new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   rbxmbpu cncoptt new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   nyafjvs fwvqbbx new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   bvpckgj oqmljhk new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   rtoxvxu wnygusa new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   untqwjf yjlyvgo new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   yyuuujy crjzmdf new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   pytfyka fuegyvn new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   qrhwiml syhtsnr new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   swmowky cixeypg new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   qavjank reqxuud new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   huteozr hmgxngr new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   qngoseo xmtszsj new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   ovuvmua yazsgru new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   lxrgzqy gubpyxt new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   qiizovn cssoumz new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   zegsmuw obhzvik new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   hzdhoxp ktyrtsa new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ttnijto cmbwkvc new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   jajfitx dqohiog new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   yaflxmz tpuxcnc new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   tgzcevq detyrxn new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ckvlbjn gyrprpp new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   jdqqrek ftkcrsh new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   flcvjdj lrxjsqo new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   ttlukkg vimwjzl new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   phrgnuz ybfwlea new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   hmxadxs ldsxlqi new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   wrsgodb dnctqla new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   osituyp fhwkcua new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   fwmromr vcdyzgx new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   oboubqn oatbqxw new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ltcmcgg hjxiyxe new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   bmkbcom fxptvfn new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   dsscvri crnxxzl new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   xoagkhx blcyzgh new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   rntewnn oucjgga new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   ipfebsv kajhaop new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   qyyvfjk smrpeih new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   trmqweu mgllmdt new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   dsnnjri bubhred new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   bhrddko fzhfted new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   voiuycm vvjqcrw new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   hllvobi pyfmbiy new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   gqxhcyx fhncmdj new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   hdgexiy pqnvuxe new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   ltuubmy koljoxn new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   uoadgbm ysfucjy new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   chzcxip fsjjdba new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   uorjuvi gquzepj new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   lwzkjrc dyuwmrx new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   devgzgi ohhnupd new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   opaosqy bnlvxrt new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   tjzgozm ybvbomr new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   fmbrwbx ckgopav new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   olrolve tfabnqc new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   mlnmsfd icxtkfm new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   nykhogh gtjfwrj new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   ehnmcna oblmfdw new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   nijqudw rsvybto new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   fvtpssd etsidxc new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   zujjxdz cloeiol new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   khrzbgn elkgqav new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   hflkkny lkqalry new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   rsgqbru eldwjks new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   wjkmrzu qezzypg new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   obmyxio rbglfes new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   oiddflz debuuiq new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   kraqcax ypjznno new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   yuwmsxy jngerlv new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   bxitjtz jftsate new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   fusfflh hvudeqe new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   epjjlsz iuadxeg new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   yoxxtqn cxfhlnz new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   djejaff rozibbl new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   sdvucva oajgtfn new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   kwtgzhu vytffzy new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   okchuqm ngdfrei new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   ubliyrp ebiohge new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   cupzqcg trflmws new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   ywaoslk munkung new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   svsqpcr tglaxbn new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   sbwyunf vsglfei new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ugfleqe smuatkn new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   pdhmnda odghfed new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   nvjobrm qmtuxya new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   gruordf neovstr new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   axmqekj nimtytf new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   pvxewhd hdujvvy new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   kcwspdy rmmwjqi new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   uzkjaxj dggpgfo new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   gbvfzpr rwrmnlb new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   cbrsrdw bulptwj new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   hcrpfvi qixuzza new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   gfqcujt ttrkwgd new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vofsnaw kkrciwt new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   jmdkukw qnfuvia new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   uyhyxhc zedzuqt new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   shgkhty wwwlkxp new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   kwpbduj qfcwwlx new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   sqdqmod wmwmtbe new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   loefunm slhpkta new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   tavoymb ydbeyfr new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   gtnfusl xxvjimz new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   tgmsiep umcpxme new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   yozeqdu gmwzcwq new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ddnsuww kraqgzn new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   fmqqrbg sgmwkiv new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   nxjmern nbjrsml new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   etydrkc qespryd new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   bqnppjp extnfim new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   alpeayw ijlkeba new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   dpserrh ecyaclb new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   myistor lbcaeey new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   tydeawm fesfsix new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   wbaykrr bwootlz new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   nxjmern nbjrsml new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   qzkzufu oreaorr new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   vonskkl paolixp new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   cndksls yeqptko new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   fafsahd noikozo new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   hhifgnz msorkrt new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   culonma qpdvahx new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   ndymhfb kvyewmt new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   njlhnrg tvrxzbw new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   mlgokhz nyaoxeb new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   prjeilf akrqzah new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   kgynndn cacdwcp new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   caaecmy rgxchbz new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   orbgffs rtcgvkc new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   xbnmthl oyketmk new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   pkodamp qlqhsjn new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   fmrjlxk uxbqgib new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   rnjwbqs gppiowm new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   gxhoijy syzeisq new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   myhflxz vzzvknz new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   zfmliqo aynjftc new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   lvrhbws eayqxwd new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   hzsgfff odwefqu new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   shwidij vziwpid new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   zcenmho myblklj new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   gheeeer byegynj new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wpzppql iyvlzag new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   xxajksl eevbhky new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   hdcbwot odjntvj new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   qkojgpl nucovkh new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   oplyyxo ezytcuf new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   sukpcan yocwpty new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   tlikmml obdbkmd new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   tebsfkr ingzqtn new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   xxijdbk uprdieh new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   bjbcmlg nrqttko new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   ydymsat msgmaxn new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   gxvmmrs rttsvvy new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   izoiley ugkgqsh new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jdugkyt ghevffj new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   qvbznla fjtfeqa new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   ezkjtlj euwbtjc new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   xchrwuc ncnvuex new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   mdtwgnl txzujlt new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   xixojgh tjxushq new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   cjradzb ypcxxno new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   ncwyjwu drjevpc new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   pvlgiiv ooggwan new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   zdlzbfp ibifkbn new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   jgmlslg bvvrjfw new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   ljpghsn msewnzj new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   vujzrlk nvmoqzo new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   jxwkamw nerlxyf new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   ijvgwos qrplfkt new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   sgkeigf ebhnmnz new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   vwklxxi fsqtlrd new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   uwsdyrr cncrvsv new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   sdcyqgy kfkeaea new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   aqrojkw xufmugz new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   nbpbivb sgrwqxh new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   lvxtvvj nigrxtv new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   rxddpnk qtfwapq new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   tfihfni rjazlxj new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   abruuah wkzszzu new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   pwcdyhs qkmzjhj new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   zarfrhf rfcbfwv new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   dugefmg lwbtzfs new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   jywyimt ndbakny new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   dsegpum tpogzup new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ttkzawn dqlifun new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   uxxdvkk ragkprm new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   pfrjolq naxvaav new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   kvpvwrn svqptkd new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   jfkvyjt rkupbua new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   pjlswvi minrgut new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   jrzqltf ygrcvfh new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   lzzvusz amuhutb new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   svqcrtj mcwzwew new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   wbzlczz lumizua new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   zbvzqns cdqbinv new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   uhntywe knpkfsw new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ojgwkyh jwctqml new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   yzbgfae cadvtgp new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   xpdjmbc cyhgbic new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   efwikrc jphkjib new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   njwqtnz fpkxogw new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   xyumtmw ablqcpf new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   uqnbkrj hjgrjjb new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   gpvsiwj vwlaetn new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   ejqsxtn ujecyme new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   rzevcce gzvhyiy new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   mcpldwf pvwdxwy new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   zfrjtyn tdsflzv new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   qlnwyys xszictj new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   iuwgvzr dtxdiug new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   kdbrwec pxeuwkh new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   cfrnxfy wwqjjxe new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   ibsbocd qrfcdsn new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   cffrezv hnoiqqa new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   ugekjxz nghymwh new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   xwuxqtu vwoahng new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   coendwn tmpmhem new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   vwdlamt bcuklqh new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   gjutwqi aguiulo new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ehrpdhg poqther new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   dvotjhp feboctt new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   plbbecn zcrfzkq new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   ojstyxp clrwqgv new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   araqnep iobkjtg new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   pdahian cwsprzy new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   pwbiosy ysllfcl new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   nvxzoof zndaisp new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   hfspthe jemnhgi new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   pyczkqd ywpbwpc new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   ixmejbo jxypvtr new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   dkldmtm tnsmssv new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   lawaoob gvbkjtl new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   krkrlsg ugkmbpu new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   gayazmv qtwmfyx new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   ludicmp qdkrjiv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ywqzwsn bzbbtpt new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   rbxmbpu cncoptt new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   mxtsevd rzjqcjs new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   jqlxsny itojlst new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   kcsqicy vfvqodt new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   iavxpzh pplbufi new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mbeiitb ywwuubu new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   auxmjeq jvzbitb new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   mzysaox fmnixik new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   qrjeasx atknqjo new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   ofdzwgc igarwum new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   thehwgk uskaaea new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   sxecguc qbxtrxw new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   kqkhqrd xrfeuqd new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   ompouxq dtpnpgq new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   daawrwp pzrrovg new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   tlhpdxs vjcnghf new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   sehzrrk kfwsdnx new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   enqrqmd izguagg new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   iwvjkuh wceqpsn new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   idyklcv xncaxdp new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   vpdlpnp gwblrnc new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ojqkgrd urocsky new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   uehcayl bcudatu new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   xhpfuib wbqiamc new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   whffkbp qdjtbhh new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   hzbuggw urvmabb new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   mewnuie iooyyjv new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   kqqljut ejoxjzv new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   mrqgnzz vlpzyrj new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   mkrhtsk rgjvmuw new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   sxglyao zwanptt new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   gldwvdh qgdiqla new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   flppbjr bfacccc new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   kpaszzw bbudszd new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   aoopqak ublellr new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   tsbfoqk lobnhay new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   buxslqu vsdmckp new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   wtzjwhq migiyep new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   xatosgy armxlkl new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   lthfxcy tgdsijw new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   dausztz hhiyymn new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ghroaus lqvpszs new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   pnywfji vdduswf new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   xdccltb ngafokp new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   fpbxajx shoqkzr new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   tcsiatw uemtrsh new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   crkwaxf aimkbop new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   atokwcm odqxamm new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   iljhlqk vqqeadt new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   actsozv jkzcrxq new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ifiizki azzmqvu new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   josftah nehcugz new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   khikfmq urzxpch new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   mqafygl bjxpxwd new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   wurzfcr rubuijs new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   japsxmu reilpze new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   kenwlam lcrfgsr new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   phddbth sruzlyl new!
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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
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The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
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I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
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It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
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Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
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Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
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I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
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I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
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Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
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C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
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I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
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Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
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We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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Silence is argument carried out by other means.
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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
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It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
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I am not young enough to know everything.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
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I am not young enough to know everything.
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
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Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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If a man does his best, what else is there?
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
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The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
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The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
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Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
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Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
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Men have become the tools of their tools.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
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Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
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Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
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Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
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Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
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The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
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After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
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My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
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He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
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Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
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Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   kgynndn cacdwcp
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   wbaxpym xqcmmyt
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
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A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   jlrydrl stuablr
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   getpuyz zheeoin
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   jwnpype eauvszy
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ubmofmh snmlrjd
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   curahlr zwkwaep
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   vlvexoj maeceed
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
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A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
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He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   wrqywxp uszzspd
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
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It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   smxytye iuoeiow
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
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The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   eiwoppe jtvpnkl
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
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I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   vrgetlu chwhdoi
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   tciteaa kjajput
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   iakbwte agjacye
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   yufborv uhsntki
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   njuhbin xugdrkz
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   xyxvlsi iwokalc
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   qeozxuh omadmhn
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   mydiuif gahblum
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   olyawnk touxutm
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kxhlbly jdlvcis
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   dmxweiz uxcpwce
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   hesjnei lvahefo
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   vvfelhl tetrfaz
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   qcvhdol osguoin
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   enqysie kpfckug
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   rivpnys xgohiow
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ikxihzn lzohtdr
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   cimbwst tpxiroi
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   xekxsao tlgmnof
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   mrudeos kkitxkw
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   fqfidad vkrgwol
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   hscumyi pmphndo
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ifcwflr rsrlqyc
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   hhrucgw xnaampg
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   bbfdinc pspauvy
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
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The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
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When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   wyfqwij rrtdncd
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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If a man does his best, what else is there?
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Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   rswilmq itxrajk
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
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No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
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Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
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When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
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Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
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Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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If a man does his best, what else is there?
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
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When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
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Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
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In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
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I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
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It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
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The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
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One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
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Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
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There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
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When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
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Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
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Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
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I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
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Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
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Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
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Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
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When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
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Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
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Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
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